Chapter 13
Millie’s POV
The door slamming behind John made me jump. I wanted so badly to get up and follow him out of the apartment, catch up with him wherever he was gone and tell him I still love him. But it was too late. He was gone. John was slipping away too, away from me, and it was my fault. I had been such a bitch! I thought everything revolved around me. I had lost a child, I should be upset but what I forgot to realize that John also lost her. She was his little girl too.
It had been a year since I’d met John; it should be a happy time for us, spending even more time together, not apart, not like this. I had already lost my child, and I wasn’t prepared to lose John. I had made my decision.
All this thinking made my eyes grow heavy and my head ache. I tried to keep them open until John came home, but it was no use, I hadn’t slept in days. Slowly but surely, the exhaustion took over and my eyes closed and I fell sound asleep in a heap on the couch.
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When I woke it was dark, moonlight shone in the window, creating a white glow, highlighting the room. I sat up and stretched, realizing I was alone. John still wasn’t home, anxiety crept over me but I pushed it to the back of my mind, trying to forget about it. After an hour or so of doing nothing but sitting and thinking, I got up lazily and began wandering aimlessly around the apartment, dragging my feet behind me.
I didn’t notice a tear slide down my cheek as I looked fondly of old photographs hanging on the walls and in various places around the room. They were ones of me and John looking so happy, being so in love. Ones of The Beatles, smiling, surrounded by their adoring fans and ones of John and Paul, arms wrapped around each other, laughing. Being inseparable, being friends. Damn, I missed those days.
I walked over to the phone and picked up the receiver, fingers hovering over the numbers. I didn’t know where John was, so I couldn’t call him. All of my friends and family would be asleep, it was past midnight. I sighed and was about to put it down again, when I thought of who I wanted to call.
I typed in the number quickly, hands slightly shaking. I twisted the phone chord in my fingers, nervously waiting for the other end to pick up. It rang and rang for what felt like an eternity but no one answered, I was about to hang up when a sleepily familiar voice croaked on the other end.
“H-hello?” was the response. His strong Liverpool accent was comforting.
“Paul!” I beamed.
“Millie, is that you? Wow, how are you love? I haven’t heard from you in ages! Is everything alright?” He seemed happy.
I ignored his questions and skipped right to the point of me calling him.
“Paul, you need to come over, like now. We need to talk” I said sternly and seriously.
“Oh, err okay, I’ll be right there.” He gulped.
I hung up and clasped my hands together, to stop them from shaking. He only lived next door; he should be here any minute. I tried to settle myself. This was the first time I had seen Paul or anyone else for that matter, since we lost the baby. My stomach twisted at the thought.
Swift knocking at the door startled me. I rushed over, took a breath and fixed myself before pulling the heavy wooden door open. Paul stood nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to another. He was wearing blue pajamas, his brown hair stuck up wildly and his face was puffy from only being awake.
A small smile appeared on his face when he seen me. He lifted up his arms and held them out towards me, offering a hug. I accepted and ran into him, knocking him back a bit. I buried my head in his chest and squeezed my eyes tightly shut, trying to stifle sobs. He held me there for a few moments before pulling me away. His warm hazel eyes searched my face for something, something both he and I was unsure off. Paul slowly moved his arm away from my shoulder and up to my cheek, wiping away a tear.
“I thought you’d be happy to see me” He joked, poking my cheek, playfully.
“I am happy Paul” I replied, letting out another sob.
His forehead creased in confusion and he raised an eyebrow.
“Then why are you crying?” He asked, bewildered.
“Because..because..I’m so..h-happy.” I struggled to get the words out, all this crying had taken my breath away.
Paul pulled me into another hug and stroked my hair this time, soothing me. I sniffed and wiped my eyes dry, feeling foolish. I ushered him inside with the wave of my hand. He sat nervously on the edge of the couch, hands gripping his knees.
“So, err, you wanted to talk” He spoke after a while, breaking the silence.
I nodded and sat beside him on the couch, tucking my feet up under me.
He drew breath to speak but I jumped ahead of him and began to talk, rather rudely.
“Paul, I don’t know how to explain this but if you could just listen and try to understand.”
He nodded eagerly and I continued on.
“Okay, well you know how much you mean to me. You’re the greatest friend anyone could ask for, you’re caring and sensitive and lovely and kind and I could go on for days trying to tell you everything you are! But… I love John. All you have to do is look at me when he’s in the room, the way I stare at him, the way I act around him. I need him.” I told Paul.
“You think I haven’t noticed?” he replied sarcastically. I ignored this and tried to carry on but Paul placed a finger on my lips, shushing me.
“Millie, you don’t have to tell me this. I know you love John and I knew it from the very first day I met you. And he loves you too, he loves you more than you can ever imagine! You complete each other, as corny as it sounds, it’s true. I can see it in you, I can see it in your eyes, he makes you happy. I could never do that, not the way he does. I understand what you’re trying to say, I’m not the one for you, you’re not the one for me, I get it. John can give you a life better than you can ever dare to imagine. Everything you’ve ever dreamed of, he can give it to you. I’m not capable of that. I could never love you as much as he does! In years to come you’re going to look back at this moment and laugh. You’re going to be happily married to John and have hundreds of little Lennon babies running around.”
I giggled at the thought.
“I love you Millie, not the way John does, far from it. I love you but we’re not meant to be together and that’s just that. And I’m totally fine with it, as long as you are too.”
I nodded and Paul wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into a bear hug. I stayed in his arms and thought about what he said, growing tired.
“So, he really loves me then?” I questioned, sleepily.
“More than you think, Mil. He’s even planning to ask you to mar -“He gasped and shut himself up, quickly.
If I wasn’t so tired, I would have been worried and confused about what Paul was trying to say. But my mind was wandering into dreamland, not fully functioning and not concentrating on my surroundings.
“He did what?” I said, half asleep with a yawn.
“Ssshh love, nothing. Go to sleep, you’re tired.” Paul whispered.
I did as I was told and my eyelids grew heavy, falling into a deep sleep, being held safely in Paul’s arms.
**A.N.. just a quick thanks to everyone who reads and votes etc. It really means alot :) Oh and a big thanks to Sarathebeatlelover who helped me with my writer's block on this chapter! Kudo's to her! :D**
