My Twilight

My Twilight Part 14

My Twilight

~~~I'm sooooo sorry that its been soooo long!:( This will probably be short since I don't have much time, but I'll try and do as much as I can with the time I have. Comment and Vote!!~~~

Chapter 18

I, Bella Swan, am in love with Edward Cullen. How did this happen? Why did this happen? By saying those three little words to him, I gave him the power to destroy me. Now that I've given him my heart, I took the chance that he can rip it to shreds.

What was I thinking????

Edward leaned in to kiss me again, but I turned my head. He looked confused for a second, and when I didn't speak or look him in the eyes, a look of hurt came upon his face.

"Bella-"

"We better go hunting; there isn't enough time to sit on the side of the road making out." My words came out harsher than I intended. He paused for a second, opening his mouth as if about to say something, but he only shut it again and started the car.

I knew I hurt his feelings, and that burned my heart, but I'm just not ready for someone to play with my heart again. I don't even know Edward that well, it hasn't been that long. Only an idiot would give into him so easily. For all I know, he just wants to get sex and leave.

That's what my logical brain was telling me. My heart spoke something different though.

My heart told me that I loved him, and he loved me. My heart knew that he was a good guy. My heart screamed at me that he was the right guy for me, the one.

But after so many years of ignoring my heart, I couldn't help but let my brain's logic take over.

My brain had to be right, all guys are the same. How can Edward be in love with ME? It doesn't make sense. I mean, remember the whole TANYA THING?! She was a total slut all over him! I'm an idiot! Why did I fall for another guy, it only ends in heart ache!

I won't let this go on any longer!

I'm done giving myself to Edward Cullen.

It took me a second to realize my little rant in my head took longer than I thought, and we were already pulled up at a forest.

"Let's hunt." I said climbing out of the car. I didn't even look Edward's way as I ran into the forest. I could hear him running behind me, assessing me. That's when I realized I was about to hunt ANIMALS! I tried not to think about it to much, but the thought almost had me gagging.

"H-how-" I cleared my throat. "I mean, how am I supposed to feed on animals. I-It sounds gross." I didn't look at Edward, and I kept running, but I knew he could hear me. He ran up beside me and I turned to look away from his face. I couldn't stand to look at him, it would torture me to know I can never give my heart up to him because I'm a coward. I'm afraid of the consequences it will bring.

"It's really not as bad as it sounds. Once you drink from one, you'll get the hang of it." His voice sounded hurt and strained. I felt bad for causing him pain, but it's for the best.

The scent of a wolf nearby engulfed my senses, and I ran faster. I leapt onto the wolf with an animalistic gracefulness. I expected the blood to taste repulsive, but it wasn't too bad. It quenched some of my thirst and flowed down my throat in huge gulps. After I discarded the body, I couldn't help but smile. That was actually kind of... good. I heard Edward in the distance feeding so I carried onto the next animal.

After a few hours, we both started on the way to the car. I could feel Edward's scrutinizing gaze on me, but I chose to ignore it. I really couldn't handle being near him for much longer, in fear of giving into my heart.

"Bella, is something wrong. You haven't looked at me since... what happened in the car." Crap, this is not what I need right now.

"Maybe I don't want to look at you right now Edward." I actually meant to sound harsh then; it will be better if he hates me. It will be a lot better to end it now rather than even more painfully later.

"Bella, what's really wrong? You can talk to me; I love you." I then made the mistake of looking at him. His perfect face was contorted in anger, and his eyes burned with love. I turned my head away quickly, the sight was too painful.

"We don't need this right now Edward. We have to keep our heads clear and focused. This battle won't be easy, and it's happening soon." He didn't say anymore as we drove home, but I could tell he was hurt. The pain radiated off him, and I felt like shredding myself into pieces for causing him to feel this way. My only consolation was the knowledge that this was for the best. This way no one can get hurt.

But my heart said different. It whispered in my head 'you're the one causing the pain, not him.'

But I chose to ignore my heart.

Because my brain told me different.