Divorced ✔ Jenzie

38. Bonus Chapter!

A/N: This chapter went hella deep and I wasn't even expecting it to be this long but oh well. This chapter is actually pretty important to the plot.

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MACKENZIE'S POV:

Johnny slowly massaged the palm of my hands. We were both staring at the red scars like they were some sort of disease. They haven't improved the least bit, they're as visible as they were when I first got them. Instead of wincing in pain, I shut my eyes and sucked in my stomach to prevent Johnny from noticing.

Johnny glanced at me, immediately stopping his movement on my hands and letting my hand hit my sides. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to hurt you," he hurries, worried.

"No, no, no. I'm fine, really." I reassure him. The pain from the palm of my hands came in all at once. The red marks drastically stung, just like when I first got them. I covered my non-affected hand with the burning one, squeezing it like it was going to stop the pain. I was fooling myself, because it wasn't.

Johnny hugged my sides, muttering soothing words into my ear. The pain slowly fades, as I uncover my hand and take my hidden face out of my hair and sloppily smile at him. "It doesn't hurt anymore." His panicked face dropped, finally letting his grip on my shoulders go.

I felt quite amused that he freaked out when he found out I was the last bit heart from a few scars, it just proves that he really does care about me, and that he's the same Johnny he's always been. Not only does he need to prove that to me, but he has to prove it to both Annie and my mom.

I know it's hard to change completely in two months. But I changed drastically in those two months. It's a good change though. It's something I'm quite proud of. I stepped out of my comfort zone due to having to live a completely different life for a whole two months. My life got swapped away very quickly, but it's back to normal now. And I'm more than thankful.

"Where did you get those marks anyway?" Johnny shrugged. I avoided his gaze, looking around our living room. We went back home once we left my mom's house. We planned to get re-married again by today. But I suggested that we should rest more, just to wait and let everything sink in. It's questions like these that make me re-think our decision to get re-married.

It brings up old memories I don't want to remember. Knowing these kinds of marks are engraved of me from the worst-most-possible moment of my life is what scares me. I'm terrified that these are going to be permanent. That five years from now, I'll stare at them for hours and feel numbness whenever I think of Johnny.

Even when Johnny and I were still divorced, when I was still mad with him. I never hated him. Yes, I was angry at him, and I thought of him differently for a while, but I never hated him. All I felt was numbness when I thought of him, it's like an unknown feeling no one can identify. Although the feeling does include love, it's everyone's nightmare.

I hope no one ever has to fell that way. Ever. The state of feeling empty inside, knowing you have no shoulder to cry on, knowing you have to fend for yourself. Being completely furious with a person you still and always will love is the hardest part. Because you want more than anything to come running back into their arms, but you know what they did was wrong, and they ultimately don't deserve your forgiveness.

You see, that's where I went wrong. I was being selfish, and refusing to forgive Johnny. I knew in my heart that it's what I wanted to do, but I couldn't bring myself to do it until I realized what I really wanted. And all I wanted was him. He makes me feel happy on sad days, warms my heart when it's cold, and makes me smile when I'm going through a tough time. It's like just a single glance can give me reassurance and motivate me to keep living my life happily. It's crazy how a person can do that to you. It's crazy how love can do that to you.

(A/N: Damn I wasn't intending on going that deep lmao. This is supposed to be a bonus chapter wtf. Oof okay, just finish reading the story).

"Why are you avoiding my question?" Johnny mutters, resting his godlike jawline on my shoulder. I chuckled to myself, a soft one so Johnny wouldn't pay much attention to it. How am I supposed to tell him that he basically caused these permanent marks on my hand? He'd be upset with himself, and that's the last thing I want at the moment.

I'll tell him eventually. If we're going to get re-married, and if he's going to be my life partner once again, I need to come clean and tell the truth. But now is not the time, and would only cause an un-needed fight. We've gotten through almost everything at this point, and having something as small as a few red marks ruin that would be very upsetting.

"Don't push it," I push out through gritted teeth. I wasn't angry with him, I just wanted to get over with this topic already and move on to something else. I've learned to not focus on the negatives over the last 2 months. That's all I did on my free time– grieve over Johnny, and feel sorry for myself. I'm sick of doing it, re-opening unwanted memories gives me no interest whatsoever.

He nods his head, understandingly. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't,' I responded almost immediately. I didn't want him to spend another second thinking he did something wrong, because he didn't. He deserves love, the kind that everyone searches for. "It's just a sensitive subject."

Johnny nods his head once again. A light bulb goes off, on top of his head, as he jumps off of the couch and runs to his backpack. He brought a few essentials home, since he'll be staying here for the next few days or so.

He comes back, a round-looking jar in hand. I eye it curiously, rolling my eyes to Johnny. He passes it to me, as I confusingly accept it out of his hands and scan it with my eyes warily. Johnny chuckles at my actions, taking it out of my hands. "It's vitamin E, only in cream addition."

I raise an eyebrow, not understanding a word he's saying. Johnny jokingly rolls his eyes, explaining it further on. "It's supposed to be for self-harm scars, but it works on marks like these too."

"When'd you get this?" I questioned.

"The day I saw those marks on your hands. I went to the market to see if there was some sort of a solution to those marks." I squinted his eyes, causing Johnny to be nervous and continue. "I knew they weren't anything new, so I thought I'd get something to fade them, or at least get the pain to go away."

My heart fluttered as I heard those words. Back then, we were somewhat fighting. We weren't fighting, but we were ignoring each other. He had thought about me, and took the time out of his day to get me a solution for these memorable marks. Even though we're still divorced back then, he got them, without knowing whether or not we'll ever get back together. I honestly don't think I can love him any more than I do right now. 

I awkwardly clear my throat, as he hands it back to me. I mutter a thank you and shove the small bottle into my back pocket. I struggled, my fumbling hands that were still numb from the red scars caused the bottle to drop and hit the wooden floor. I sighed, bending down to pick it up. I picked it up with my dominant hand. Not that it really mattered, they both had scars on them. But this one didn't hurt as much.

I steadily clench the bottle with my hand, squeezing the bottle to prevent it from falling once more, and the bottle succeedingly enters my pocket. I smile in satisfaction, then turn to Johnny and rest my head on his lap.

I lay my body across the whole couch, wanting nothing more than a good sleep. I yawn, spreading my arms and legs around. "I want to sleep." I shut my eyes, bringing my hands to the side of my face and get comfortable against Johnny's body.

"Okay," Johnny hummed.

I eventually fall asleep, Johnny lightly playing with my hair as I do so. 

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A/N: This chapter was hella cute🤧

This chapter was supposed to be published tomorrow. But I felt bad bc I wrote something a little explicit on briianna- 's message board... so I skipped my homework and wrote this chapter instead.

I don't want to rush the people who are making me covers, so can you get them in by... Wednesday? If not, tell me.

1 more bonus chapter, then the epilogue :(

-1549 Words.