Forever Yours, Never Mine (Kellin Quinn Fan Fiction)

Chapter 31: Stay Forever With Me

Day 20

I never understood why some people seemed so fragile. Hiding behind locked doors and pushing away from everyone in their life. I never understood how someone could live always looking over their back and holding their tongues. I never understood it was happening until everyone became another heartbreak.

I never understood why it was so hard for me to speak my mind. I mean there were constantly a million thoughts jumbled in my brain but when I tried to say them I realized just how much nobody would listen. I realized just how much nobody cared.

Day 22

I've always been alone. I spent the years growing up away from people. Because people make you smile, make your stomach queasy, and make you happy. For a little while. Everyone got sick of me eventually. Everyone left and it became clear why I couldn't love; to love is to destroy.

Day 25

I covered everything up easily. I would look away and hide myself. But you can't lock yourself away from yourself. It lingers there. The feelings of longing. I never stopped feeling like I was missing something or someone. I never stopped to think how this would affect me in the future. I gave in and became a shell of myself. I must have stored my heart away somewhere. In my chest but heavily guarded under lock and key. I was so lost I didn't feel when I turned the lock and turned the key to rust.

I was in a coma for 6 days. At first the doctors said it was so that the doctors could perform the necessary surgeries without having to deal with my fragile state. They had a needle stuck into my arm to make sure I was getting the nutritions I hadn't been eating for weeks. They had all different types of pain medications for my broken leg that needed surgery to add flesh to the part that had been burned until all you could see were flashes of white in between burned skin. They had a tube connected to my lungs to help my collapsed lung do it's job. They wanted to make sure I felt as little pain possible.
But they never mentioned the brain damage. The possibility that my memory would never come back. That maybe the impact the concrete made with my skull was too severe. That it was a miracle I had survived the drive to the hospital.
There weren't many people to tell. My parents had died on impact. My mothers parents didn't keep contact with us. My fathers parents had died years ago.
It took a long time for me to wake up. I guess there was a part of me that knew I shouldn't wake up. Who wanted to wake up all alone? I was an orphan after all.
Nothing was clear for a while. It was like a lucid dream. I felt myself do all these things but I couldn't register thinking of anything. My muscles were moving but my brain was shut off. All my memories were fuzzy and unclear, like looking through lens that had been long forgotten.
The only thing I remember is sea foam green eyes. Sometimes they were more bright blue than green but they were always there. No one told me who they belonged to. No one told me what how I had ended up on the hospital bed. I had to struggle to unravel the nightmare on my own.

October 12, 2012

"Vic!" I yelled as I was caught in a bear hug and twirled in circles. My laugh melted in with Vic's for several seconds before he finally put me down. I stumbled for a second and he encircled my waist with his arm to keep me upright.
"Hola," Vic chuckled, patting my head.
"Hi! I forgot how much I missed all of this," I said, gesturing to the commotion happening back stage. He simply laughed at me.
"You'll be side stage right?"
"Wouldn't miss it."
"I'll see you later then," Vic said before letting go of my waist and disappearing into a room. I wandered over to where Tonight Alive had already started their set and watched them for a while until I realized I was here for other reasons than to simply watch. I sighed, it's now or never.
I wasn't sure why I thought of showing up in the dressing room instead of just waiting until I saw him wandering, but I realized too late as I opened the door and felt several gazes fall on me. My eyes found his eyes quickly. Still clear and beautiful as the ones that haunted me every night in my dreams for so long.
"Juliet?" He murmurs, his eyes clouding with confusion as to what emotion he should be feeling. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say now. It seems obvious that I'm kinda clueless as well. My eyes were probably also full of confusion.
I don't seem to realize Kellin's quick steps as he walks over until he's only inches from my face. I'm still starstruck as his hands cup my face and only barely feel his lips brushing against mine. But the sensation seems to kickstart my brain and before I can stop myself, I'm kissing him back. My hands tangle in his hair as Kellin pulls me closer to him. He's not holding back, the lust and longing hangs in the heavy air around us. I lose track of everything but the taste of his lips against mine.
"I missed you," he whispers against my mouth and exhales a shakes breath. I'm out of breath and too high off of Kellin to say anything. Instead I press my lips against his again. His hands move to my waist and i squeak the slightest as I feel the ground leave my feet. He carries me over to the couch as I finally notice that the room has cleared and it's just me and him. Kellin sits down and I place my legs on both sides of him, straddling him.
It doesn't last long. Kellin pulls away and just stares at me for several seconds. I debate saying something but I'm tongue tied. What the hell am I supposed to say after I was the one that walked away. Apologize possibly. But apologizes never come to me. I say the stupidest thing. "Hi," I mumble, barely audible.
He's close though and here's me. "Where were you?" He asks, his arm securely around my hips. His grip is so strong I know he fears what I'm thinking of doing right now, running away. It's an instinct. If you run away from someone you can't get hurt. I stumble for the right words, but the words never come out. He's waiting for me to say something. I can only play with my hands in my lap.
"I've been getting fixed I guess..." I can't meet his eyes. I feel his breath exhale near my neck before I feel his lips.
"There's nothing to fix. You're perfect." A small smile plays at the corners of my mouth. We sit in silence for a while, simply enjoying the moment. I open my mouth to ask for forgiveness and apologize for being so inconsiderate and complicate but shut it as the door opens and Jack's head pops in through the frame.
"We're on in 15 minutes," he states simply before closing the door again. Kellin sighs and takes my hand in his. I stand up pulling him along with me.
"You're not going to disappear after I go onstage?" He asks, staring down at the floor. If he asked that a few months ago I would be offended, but right now all I can do is nod. I hear him exhale a breath in relief. Kellin leads me out and stops 10 feet short of the stage. Jack, Justin, and Jesse where all strumming their guitars and bass respectively. Kellin practiced a few vocal warm ups and soon the guys run on stage. They start off with Do It Now and Remember It Later; running around on the small stage as the lights illuminate them and the crowd. Like always mostly everyone was singing with Kellin too.
I was mesmerized. Kellin made his way through the entire stage as Justin jumped around like the energizer bunny and Gabe was drenched in sweat. I didn't even realize their set was nearly over until the lights dimmed and Kellin announced this was the last song. The audience groaned in despair but returned to their moshing and screaming as Gabe began drumming.
"Stay for tonight! If you want to I can show you. what your dreams are made of," Kellin's voice rang out from the speakers surrounding me. When he sang the last lines he looked over to where I stood and I forced a smile on my face. The five of them made their way backstage and I was wrapped in Kellin's arms quickly. I squeaked and pushed Kellin away, the guys laughing at my reaction.
"I want a hug!" Gabe yelled, walking my way. I started to run away but he caught me before I managed to take 2 steps. He gave me an awkward half hug, being extremely careful to not get any sweat on me. I winced slightly but laughed anyway.
We walked back into the room and I settled on the couch as everyone else shuffled around the room, laughing and cracking jokes. I felt uncomfortable, like an intruder. I stayed quiet and didn't make an effort to join the conversation.
Shortly before Pierce the Veil made their way to the stage, Kellin took my hand and pulled me along with him. He didn't say anything and I didn't bother either. Just snuggled into his arms and watched Jamie, Tony, Vic, and Mike all loose themselves in their songs. Kellin joined them onstage to preform King For A Day.
"Let's go" Kellin whispered into my ear 20 minutes later. All of the bands were messing around backstage. We walked out through the back door.
"Hi," I gasped.
"Hi."
"What are we doing here?" I asked raising my brow in question.
"I have something to ask you," he asked, placing a small peck on my lips.
"Yes?"
"Come on tour with me. Not for the whole tour if you don't want to. Just for a little while. Just to figure things out and talk. I didn't ask about it earlier but I need to know. When you're ready. Right now all I need is to hear you say you'll stay with me."
"I swear I'll never leave again," I pressed my lips to his.