Zalfie - How to Live

22. Zoe's Last Letter

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Present Day

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"You have a what?" I demanded.

"A note to you from Zoe," Tyler repeated.

"She gave it to us the day she killed herself," Troye added. "Told us to give it to you in fifteen years."

I leapt up from the dirty asphalt.

"Where is it?" I demanded.

Tyler got a smile on his face. "In the truck."

"Right now?" I asked, my eyes opening.

He nodded with a smile.

"What the hell are we waiting for then?" I cried as I stood up.

Tyler smiled at my eagerness and they briskly walked to their old truck, with me in tow.

"Compartment?" Troye mumbled and Tyler nodded.

I got into the passenger's seat, my excitement mounting.

Troye seemed to magically summon the letter and, with a small smile, he handed me a small sheet of folded notebook paper.

I held it in my hand for a moment, deliberating whether or not to look inside.

"Open it," Tyler urged.

I opened the little piece of paper and attempted to smooth out the creases.

"Alfie," Troye said gently, putting a hand on my shoulder. "You don't need to. Some things are best left unspoken."

I shook my head and finally began to read.

Alfie,

I want to tell you everything. I have so much to confess and not enough paper.

15 years later. I think that's enough time. You've most likely moved on. Which, trust me, is a very good thing. Even if I kind of don't want you to.

I am a selfish person, Alfie. And I could not deny myself this one simple pleasure: to know that I may have redeemed myself slightly in your eyes. So please, read this letter in its entirety.

A dead girl's last wish.

It was a mistake, what I did. I can honestly say that that was the biggest mistake of my life.

But I have an explanation. I really do. And I really, really need you to know what happened.

And why.

Caspar and I kissed, as you know.

But what you don't know is what happened before the kiss.

I really want you to.

I was on my way to Language Arts when I heard someone call my name over everyone who was talking in the hall. I turned expectantly and saw an out of breath Caspar Lee.

"Zoe," he panted.

"What is it?" I asked irately. He was an annoying one, that Caspar.

"I really need some," he said just as the warning bell rang.

I rolled my eyes. He was aware that he was in a relationship with Gaby and that I was in a relationship with you. "Not now," I said sarcastically.

I turned to leave but he gave a smug laugh and I spun back around, furious at the slightest provocation. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Lee?" I said.