Divided

Kenya

November 15 2014

Today was a horrible day .

Jaron told me that I'm uglier then the average darkskin bitch , he told me maybe just maybe if I took a shower in bleach I would turn into mud instead of midnight black .

He told me he could never , fuck with me , I'm darkskin he said , Darkskin bitches don't deserve love . Lightskin is where it's at. I stood up and talked back but the words hurt , each word was like a blade slowly cutting my heart . Diary I wish you had eyes so you could see these tears falling from my eyes . But can't you feel the drops as they soak the paper ? , diary please take away this pain I feel .

Soak up my pain as my tears stain your paper , just as he's words stained my self worth .

I would never let them see my tears , the tears will just be proof that I believe their words , trust me I don't .

I'm just a human being with a soul , I should be used by now . I don't know how many times I've heard these words . I guess I'm a fragile soul , every time I pick up the shattered pieces of my soul . Someone throws stones breaking my soul and spirit .

But I refuse to believe . Just because I'm not a high yellow or butter milk doesn't mean I'm not worthy of respect . I'm a deep chocolate women who's sweet and proud , I'm a black girl . Id still be dark if I was milk chocolate . That's darkskin . Do you want me to correct saying no I'm Brown skin . Well fuck you my skin is still a dark complexion , you would still bring me down .

Is it my fault that I was blessed with beautiful skin that makes you fuse with anger ? , should I curse gods name for this skin ?

I'm a African queen with dazzling chocolate gold as my skin , I wouldn't wish to be anything else . No bleaches for me , why so I can destroy my precious jewel . You've got to be kidding . Black is beautiful . So why is there a divide in the black community world wide . Skin doesn't define beauty , it's your bone structure , the arch of your back , the bounce of your Afro . The dazzle in your eyes .

I cry tears of sorrow that some are blind and can't see what true beauty is . Why should a shade define my beauty , I'm not the shade the shade is me .

Jaron and others are dumb . I hope other girls like me black , white and all don't listen to boys and girls like him . Ugly cause my tone of skin !, I haven't heard anything crazier than racism . I'm beautiful in gods eyes and mine even though sometimes it might quiver . I know I'm beautiful

This divide is a curse upon the black community .

I'll write in you later .

Kenya ~