Anna

The First Show

I was ten minutes from going on and I was waiting backstage, completely ready. I could hear all the people as they were getting into their seats, laughing and talking and singing along with the loud music the venue was playing.

Hearing all of them out there made my heart start to race. I hadn't really performed live in front of an audience this big since X-Factor, and I could feel my stomach start to erupt in butterflies when this realization kicked in.

"Oh no." I gasped, feeling like I was going to vomit. I ran to the bathroom, zooming past Harry on my way.

"Anna? Everything alright?"

I didn't answer, too afraid that if I was truly going to throw up I wouldn't make it in time. I ran inside and over to the toilet, but I didn't feel anything coming, so I just stood there, taking what I thought were deep breaths, until I realized that I was seeing black spots dancing in my vision. I was hyperventalating.

Am I having a panic attack?! I thought, my mind racing.

I jumped when I heard a knock on the door. "Anna? Is everything alright?"

I shook my head, and then realized he couldn't see me. I quickly walked over and opened the door, revealing Harry standing there in his suit, concern distorting his perfect features.

"Harry, I can't do this." The words tumbled from my lips before I could even think to stop them.

I had never had a panic attack before, but I was pretty sure that this was one. I could barely breathe, and the black spots weren't going away.

"Annalise. I know you can do this."

"I'm freaking out. I haven't performed like this since X-Factor. Harry, that was seven years ago! I can't do this!" My voice cracked at the last statement, tears filling up in my eyes and threatening to be let loose and ruin my perfect makeup that Wendy had worked so hard on.

"Hold on," he held out his hands to stop me. "What was it you told me all those years ago? 'I can picture it, Harry Styles, your name up in big, bright lights.' Anna, you were right, where's that confidence gone? What happened to that girl who was so sure of herself? The girl filled with hope?"

"She lost," my voice was a helpless whisper as a single tear rolled down my cheek. I wasn't sure what I was referring to. I lost the X-Factor, but I lost a lot of other things, too. I lost so many things, things Harry could never understand, things that no one could understand. I'd lost my mother before I could even know her, I lost my father when he turned to drinking, I lost my childhood, I lost my place on X-Factor, I'd lost my best friends, I'd lost my home, my freedom...

That last one got me. I loved him, right? Love meant sacrifice. Maybe freedom wasn't lost, it was sacrificed. Maybe that's what made it all worth it.

"Anna, you didn't lose." He said, pulling me from my thoughts. "You won. Don't get me wrong, I loved every minute of being in One Direction. But it was some of the most stressful years of my life. Being in the spotlight isn't easy, and with that it was harder and harder as the years progressed. You truly won, because you have freedom."

His words confused me. Freedom? I didn't have that. I just told myself I lost that.

"You've always been able to choose what type of music you write. You've always been able to choose whether or not you perform live or go on tour. You've had complete and utter control of all your decisions regarding your music. You. Won. You should be even more confident than you were seven years ago, because you've become such an amazing woman with so much freedom and potential."

His words seemed to shake me to my core. I had never thought of any of this. I never thought about how difficult it must be for him. I'd only ever thought of myself, and how bad I've had it. I never realized that I have it better than most singers. I quickly wiped away the tear and nodded. "You're right."

"Knock 'em dead, Anna."

"Hey! That's my line." I let out a shaky laugh.

He gave me a warm smile and then hugged me. "You've got this."

I smiled up at him before rushing past him. Once I was situated I walked up the steps and onto the stage, causing the entire audience to erupt in cheers.

"Hello San Francisco!" I called as the music to my opening song started to play.

******

"Goodnight San Fran!" I called, waving to them as I ran off the stage, adrenaline coursing through me.

"That was...amazing!" I said once I had found the right word.

Harry grinned at me. "I told you you'd do amazing."

"Talk about a role reversal." I laughed.

He rolled his eyes, the smile still on his face. "It's only fair. There were one too many performances where I wouldn't have been able to go out if it hadn't been for you. It's time I finally pay you back for that."

I looked down at the ground, shaking my head as I let out a small laugh. I looked back up at him, brushing the loose strands of hair out of my face. "You don't have to repay me for that, Harry."

"You're on!"

He looked up at the person who had just called out, giving them a small nod, his face turning serious.

"Knock 'em dead, Haz." I nudged him with my elbow.

He broke back into a wide smile, looking up at the ceiling. "Wow. I've missed that." He ruffled my hair, ignoring my complaints as he ran off to join his band as they prepared to go on.

I shook my head, using my fingers to fix my hair. I heard the crowd burst into deafening screams as Clare, Harry, Adam, Sarah, and Mitch all ran up on stage. The show had begun.

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heyo guys sorry for the short chapter. i just felt bad because i haven't updated in almost a week! i've just hit a sort of writers block and then here i am at 2:30 am getting a sudden surge of inspiration haha. or at least, enough to finish this chapter.

i'll try to be updating more often soon! i'm gonna try and write more tomorrow...er, today, i guess lol. anyway here ya go, enjoyyyy!! (don't worry things are gonna get more interesting very soooon!)

:) thanks for reading