At Your Service ✓

[Chapter Thirty-Four] Shawn

Chapter Thirty-Four

This weekend I decided to just dive in and throw caution to the wind when it came to her, I wanted her but she wasn’t making it easy on me, in fact she was making it even more difficult.

I care about the men I serve with, I’ve fought with them and nearly died with them, we have a strong bond that not all squads have but it helps with you’ve been deployed with the same people multiple times, but caring about them was the same but completely different.

I could tell she was starting to trust me though, if she didn’t she wouldn’t have let me around Lex and she wouldn’t have fallen asleep with me still here in fear I would kill them both or something.

She groaned when I moved her around so I could get a shirt on her and I went to my car to grab some shorts since boxers wouldn’t be appropriate if Lex came in here in the morning and once I was changed I laid down beside her and she rolled over and rested her head on my chest and wrapped an arm tightly around me which made me smile.

“You’re doing strange things to my heart, Mari.” I said knowing she wouldn’t hear me and I busied myself by running my fingers through her soft hair.

I don’t know where this whole thing was going but if it didn’t go anywhere I would be okay with that too, I think. She made me realize how much I craved being with someone, how bad I wanted a family one day.

I always thought it would make me weak to have one but I was wrong.

I felt strong in a different way than I did normally when Lalexia crawled into my lap at the movies and I wrapped my arms tight around her little body while she buried her face in my chest, one arm wrapped around me and one holding Mari’s hand.

I looked down at her and kissed her forehead softly and closed my eyes and I was about to drift off to sleep when I heard the door open, my eyes shot open and I was about to go on the defensive when I saw Lalexia standing there looking shy but adorable with her baby blanket wrapped around her and a stuffed bear tight in her arms

“Mommy.” She whispered but Mari was fast asleep

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” I asked and she looked over at me and came closer and I could see her lip trembling in the moonlight that shone through the windows

“I had a bad dream, there were snakes and they were all over my room and on me and.” She started to cry again

“Come here.” I said and I scooted the she side a little and she climbed under the blankets with us and while this was a little weird for me she didn’t seem to mind as she rested her little head on the other side of my chest and wrapped an arm around her too.

“I don’t like snakes.” She mumbled

“You’re safe, I’ll protect you.” I ran a hand over her tangled hair and she closed her eyes and smiled

“Mommy does that when I have bad dreams.” She looked up into my eyes and I stared back down at her. Except for the dark skin and dark hair, she looked like her mom. Her blues eyes stood out most with her darker features.

“Mommy’s sleeping.” I whispered and she looked over at Mari

“I know.” We were staring at each other now trying to figure the other out which was strange to me since she was seven.

“I like you.” she broke the silence and I smiled

“I like you too.” I told her and she yawned and put her head on my chest

“You make mommy smile, I like when she smiles.”

“I like when she smiles too.” I played with her hair and she snuggled up to me.

“Now all you need to do is marry her so I can have a sister.” I choked on my own spit and gave a little cough trying to be as quiet as possible.

“Lex you know that your mom and I aren’t getting married, right? And we aren’t having a baby.” I said and she shrugged

“I know but I wish you were, I really want a sister.” She said

“I’m sure you’ll have one, one day.” I said to her

“I hope so, everyone else has a brother or sister, and I just wish I had one too.” She probably does have one out there somewhere, she’ll just never know about them.

I know Mari doesn’t like to talk about it but it’s obvious who her father is, well not the actual person, but it’s obvious she got pregnant from work and has no idea who her actual father is.

She said she was a drug addict and alcoholic, I’m surprised Lex was born healthy.

“Get some sleep sweetheart.” I told her because I didn’t know what to do with this conversation and I didn’t know what Mari’s plans were or what she wanted Lex to know or anything.

Sure I liked Mari but I wasn’t who Lex wanted me to be and the conversation was making me a little uncomfortable, that child made me unsure of everything; she was very smart for her age.

“Goodnight Shawn.” She mumbled as she yawned and I sighed wondering just what I had gotten myself into with her. She slept peacefully and Lex was out like a light. They were making me feel strange things but the weirdest part was that I kind of liked it.

I fell asleep easily that night and was losing the fight with my mind in thinking stupid and inappropriate things like how I was falling asleep with my girls in my arms. Stupid fucking mind; they weren’t mine and probably never would be.

Mari was a damn stubborn woman, it was what I liked about her but what annoyed me most about her at the same time.

Stupid fucking emotions.