Born To Lose (Frerard)

Chapter 20:Face All The Pain And Take It On

-Chapter Title Credits:The Only Hope For Me Is You by MCR-

Frank shivered though he wasn't cold.

It was actually a decent day in Jersey.

The air was not freezing like you've been buried in snow for months but it wasn't as hot to where you feel like you've been cradled inbetween satans ass cheeks all summer.

It was comfortable.

But he had a phantom chill that wouldn't go away no matter how much he tugged the black hoodie tighter around him,taking in the scent of coffee,cigarettes and Gerard.

Gerard put a arm around Frank allowing the small boy to curl into Gerards side for warmth.

Frank sighed and looked up at Gerard who was watching him intently.

"I dont know where to start..."

Gerard smiled and leaned down,placing a sweet kiss on Franks lips.

"Start from the beginning."

Frank nodded and took a deep breath,

"Um....well when I was three my mom got addicted to heroine.It started changing her as a person and she would lash out alot.Not just at me,but at my dad as well.My dad was a pretty cool guy.He would take me to the park and all that stuff...and I was happy for the most part.But then my dad lost his job at this car shop and he started drinking.There were no more trips to the park and fun times with dad.I just sat in my room and played by myself.On occasion my dad would be sober enough to play with me but it never lasted long.My mom realized how bad it was and she tried to get clean for me.Three weeks after my fifth birthday my mom relapsed and overdosed on heroine.I had just started kindergarten,maybe like four days in and suddenly I was being called to the principals office.I was so little and I was scared I had done something wrong,"Frank let out a bitter laugh that made Gerard frown even more.

Frank took a breath to steady himself before continuing,"The school counselor sat me down and the principal informed me that early that morning right after I had left for school my dad had found my mom unconscious on the couch....I flipped out. I saw her before I left the house.She had been sprawled out on the couch and she looked so tired.We locked eyes and she smiled at me.I didn't realize she had just relapsed and shot up with drugs.I though she was just tired.I could have saved her Gerard.I should have noticed something was wrong and called for help.I could have-"

"Frank you were five years old.You were still a kid.You couldn't have known so don't so dare think thats your fault,"Gerard cut him off.

Frank blinked rapidly trying to compose himself.

This wasn't even the hard stuff and his eyes were already watering.

"Anyway uh...my dad,who had been cheating and would fight with my mom all the time,took the news hard.He still loved her.Once she was dead he just became this....animal.It started off with verbal things.Like he would tell me it was my fault their lives fell apart and that I was his biggest regret.That escalated over time and on my sixth birthday I asked to go to my moms grave.That was the first time my dad hit me.Teachers at school would notice the bruises but I just said I fell of the swing or something and they would believe me....or they didnt care.I had become a trouble maker at school.I learned to live with the abuse.I knew not to fight back because the one time I did I ended up with a broken wrist.Of course my dad told the doctors I had crashed on my bike.Then My dad started doing things to me,"Frank had to stop.

His throat had begun to form a lump.

He didn't want to talk about it.

He didn't want pity and most of all he didn't want to remember.

But he had to.

"S'okay Frankie.Take your time."Gerard whispered rubbing his back soothingly.

"Okay....Alright so um he started doing things.It was small things at first,like after a beating his hand would linger in certain places.It quickly developed to him pinning me down a-and giving me handjobs.Then it turned into him making me give him blowjobs.I remember the first time it happened.I had just finished my homework and I was sitting in the living room watching tv.I knew I shouldnt be out of my room.I never left my room unless I had to...but I thought he wasnt going to be home for a few more hours.But he did come home and he was so mad...he grabbed me by my hair and....it was horrible.I cried all night and the next day at school I was so tired that I didnt even try to cause trouble.That was the day I stopped trying to piss off people and simply stop existing.I went from the kid everybody knew to the silent weirdo.Nobody dared to figure out why,they didnt want the trouble maker back so they left me alone.My dad just got worse and worse.He was never sober anymore,he always had alcohol burning throughout his veins...and his attacks got worse.Then one night he stormed into my room.I asked him what was wrong but he just grabbed me,"Frank flinched at the memory and hugged Gerard tighter.

Even though he could hear Gerard whispering soothing things in his ear,Frank felt like he was being ripped from the present and thrown back in time.

"Every night he would come.All I could do was take it,"Frank looked down at his hands studying his nails.

"The wall at the top of my bed is covered in nail marks.I would sob but he wouldnt stop.All I could do was scratch at the wall as if that would ease the pain...At age 15 I became obsessed with self destruction.It was the only pain I could control.My first suicide attempt failed.Some random guy found me unconscious at the park in one of the tunnels after overdosing on sleeping pills.I was terrified when I woke up strapped down to a bed with tubes down my throat and IVs in my arm.My dad wasn't very pleased with me.Things just kept getting worse and worse with him and school became my personal hell.I snapped again.I couldnt take it.This was only a month or so ago.I was trying to leave,runaway, and my dad busted me.I ran from the house with my bookbag on my back,desperate to escape his fury.He chased me down....with his old trashy navy blue truck.I managed to avoid getting hit and I got away.I hid in a abandoned house nobody bothered to spare a second glance at.It was great...for three days and then I ran out of money.I ended up at a bar....I figured...I was use to being fucked and hating it at least I could make money for it.But that didnt work.I ended up getting raped by these three dudes....who went to the same school as me.Once they walked away laughing,leaving me a broken mess on the ground in a alley I knew I shouldnt even try living anymore.All people would do was hurt me.So I grabbed a nearby beer bottle and smashed it.I used one of the shards to rip up my arms.Once again my suicide attempt failed when some drunk couple found me.Thats how I ended up at the hospital with your mom as my nurse.My dad was informed that I was once again in the hospital and he came.I knew he just wanted to take me home and unleash his anger on me.But the doctor confronted my dad about the bruises and he told them Im a trouble maker and I got into fights all the time....and then when the doctor didnt believe him he said he couldnt handle me anymore and all that crap....and well here I am."

Gerard hugged Frank tighter and snuggled his face into his hair.

"Im so sorry Frankie....I won't let him hurt you ever again.I promise your safe with me."

Frank couldn't hold back his tears anymore and began to cry into Gerards chest.

-Sad Chapter :c  Comment? Next chapter is also gonna be sad.I would have just made it all in this chapter but Wattpad is like freezing alot so its been hard to write this much so....yeah anyway,love u all-ChemicalSkeleton