Born To Lose (Frerard)

Chapter 9:I Miss That Sound, 'Cause Now We Don't Sing So Loud

-Chapter Title Credits: Brother by Gerard Way-

-TRIGGER WARNING-
Panic Attack

Gerard's P.O.V

All I wanted was some peace and quiet.

This was supposed to be my safe place; my escape from reality ironically.

The only person I needed with me right now was six feet under the dirt decaying.

But then my phone started buzzing.

Frustrated, I yanked it out of my pocket and glared down at the caller ID.

Mikey Way.

Before I could reject the call, it stopped ringing.

Sighing in relief, I set it down on the grass next to me and continued to sketch messily.

I knew I would have to go home soon- If you can even call that place a home.

I wondered briefly what Frank did today, hoping he hadn't had an opportunity to hurt himself.

Everything had happened so fast last night, I felt like I had whiplash- Or maybe mom just hit me a bit too hard.

Either way, my mind was still trying to catch up and the hangover didn't help.

Once again the loud ringing of my phone pierced the silence,stirring me from my thoughts.

Anger boiled under my skin as I gripped the phone tightly.

Why can't he just leave me alone?

Mikey's P.O.V

As the graveyard came into view, I once again redialed Gerard's number in hopes of hearing his phone ring.

But it instead took me straight to voicemail; He had turned his phone off.

I hesitated at the entrance.

I hadn't stepped foot in the cemetery since the night I almost lost my brother.

I couldn't control the trembling as I pushed the gate open and went inside.

The graveyard was devoid of any signs of life and It was eerily quiet.

Grandma's grave came into view; Gerard's bookbag was tossed to the side carelessly but he was no where to be seen.

"Gerard?!"I looked around feeling panic rise in my chest.

The shaking was getting worse and with each second that passed breathing became more difficult.

He's gone he's gone he's gone

"GERARD!!!"

"Stop shouting." Gerard snapped coming into view but the harshness dropped from his voice as he studied me closely.

"W-W-Where wer-re you?"

"What's wrong?"

The response made me laugh- but it wasn't a happy sound.

Because even though he's standing in front of me, the panic won't ease.

I was shaking so hard I was going to fall apart- or pass out from hyperventilating.

My vision was starting to dull and I felt like I was seeing things through a movie lens.

"Mikey? Mikey!"

My knees buckled, but two hands grabbed me before I smashed into the ground.

"Mikey! Mikey, hey- I need you to breathe. You're ok, you're safe. Just focus on breathing. In and out. You're ok Mikey, I won't let anyone hurt you. Not ever Mikes. Breathe."

And then I was crying. Hard.

Gerard pulled me into his arms.

Slowly after following his breathing cues, the panic began to fade; The ants crawling under my skin died down and the vice grip in my chest relaxed.

"Sorry. I just- Sorry." I babbled, pulling away once the reality of the situation sank in.

Gerard has never seen my panic attacks. Nobody has in fact.

He was staring at me intensely as I sat down on the grass, him joining me a moment later.

It was quiet as we sat side by side. My hands still had a slight tremble and I felt exhausted to the core.

"....Are we not going to talk about it?"

I jumped slightly, still not used to hearing his voice again.

"There's nothing to talk about-"

"Bullshit."

Our eyes locked and I sighed heavily.

"Why did you leave school?"

Gerard rolled his eyes,"That doesn't matter-"

"IT DOES FUCKING MATTER. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO FIND YOU BLEEDING OUT AGAIN!"

Gerard seemed surprised.

"Since when have you given a fuck? Last time I checked it was your friends who beat me to a pulp every day. "

Guilt flooded my body.

"Those people aren't my friends. I.... I'm sorry. At first I just wanted to avoid getting bullied too. They beat me up because I was your brother. I didn't know what to do and then I found you during that episode and and an-"

"And you were afraid of me."

"No!....I'm afraid of losing you too."

I wiped my eyes clean and took a deep breath.

"Lets go home Gee."

(Everything after this is unedited: I'm currently rewriting this. There will be horrible Grammar from here on until I get to finish redoing this story)