Story of a Heart

Chapter 10: Work day

Faye's point of view
The shrill ringing of Lisa's alarm clock woke me up. I groaned, rolled over and tried to ignore it. Lisa turned the alarm off, and thudded out of bed less than quietly. Damn her for being such an easy morning person. She padded across the room in a manner she often referred to as 'quietly'. Suddenly, a small warm hand found its way onto my exposed arm, shaking me, and encouraging me to get up. When I opened my eyes I glared at her, ignoring many of the details in her face I normally found so pretty.
"Seriously?" I asked, blinking in the early morning sunlight. I suppose it wasn't early, it was 7:30, but the sun was only just rising, so it was still partially dark.
"Up you get Treacle." She replied, staring down at me. We stayed like that for a minute, just embracing the moment before fleeting time took the chance away from us.
"Alright, alright! I'm getting up." I protested, shoving the covers off me. She smiled and moved away from the bed to change. I smirked and pulled my duvet back over my head, seizing her moment of distraction.
A while later, a rough tug exposed me once again to the cold room, and I opened my eyes again. Lisa was stood in the doorway giggling, while Lee stood next to the bed, holding my duvet. I suddenly felt self-conscious, before realising that Lee had seen me in... well... nothing. I mean we had done that, I had nothing else to hide. I rolled over and looked up at him, before sitting up and smiling slightly. He kissed me in response and I closed my eyes to kiss him softly back. When we broke apart, Lisa had gone. He smiled at me and then showed himself out, pulling the door closed behind him so the others didn't accidentally catch a look of more than they'd anticipated. I was grateful that of all the boys I had him.

I pulled on a pair of plain jeans, and a relatively plain top, and then felt satisfied with my appearance. I picked up a hairbrush before remembering I didn't need to use it and it wasn't mine anyway, gently placing it back down on the top of the draws. Heading downstairs I found Lee and H stood in the kitchen talking. Lee passed me a plate with toast on it and flashed me a smile. I bit into the toast, and tried to smile back while wondering where Lisa could have gone. She wouldn't have gone out anywhere this morning would she? It was our first day back of work in the new year she wouldn't be stupid enough to do a runaway act today? The toast was still warm, he must have made it after waking me up and it made me love him a little bit more just for the simple fact he cared enough to make me hot toast.
The boys continued their idle conversation, then Lee left the room, kissing my cheek as he passed me in the doorway. I flashed H a smile of goodwill, and went to the sitting room where I hoped I'd find Lisa. I had no such luck. I flounced down on the sofa, and ate the rest of my toast. It was warm and buttered perfectly to my liking. After I finished eating, I returned to the kitchen and found H still stood in the kitchen where I left him, reading a random teen girl magazine – presumably belonging to Claire – he'd found.
"Have you seen Lise?" I asked him.
"I think she went out for a quick walk before she has to return to the crazy world of Steps." He replied, laughing a little. "I don't really know where she went or how long she'll be."
I sighed. "Thanks anyway." I replied, and went back upstairs, walking into a practically sleepwalking Claire on my way.
"Sorry..." she said, glancing up at me.
"It's okay zombie." I joked, poking her.
She went to slap me, and I slipped past her before she could, giggling as I did. She smiled weakly back.

Lisa's point of view
I walked out the house, picking up my key, but merely latching the door behind me. I walked and didn't stop until I reached the edge of the farmers' fields. I went into a ungrazed meadow, and just allowed myself to let go. Faye snogged Lee. Right in front of my eyes as if I wasn't even there. It had only occurred to me of late, that Faye loved Lee, and I suppose to her all that would make me was a lesbian, somebody who's crushing on her, but she didn't want like that. I was her best friend, and it seemed I'd never be anything more. I could almost feel my heart was breaking into little pieces. I wanted to taste her lips, I wanted to feel her loving touch every day, I wanted to eventually wear the rings that bound me to her. I wished I could say I wanted to raise children with her, although I knew that wasn't possible. Mind you us getting married wasn't possible either, but there was a hope that might change one day. I didn't want to be her best friend. I wanted to be her girlfriend, but I couldn't just tell her that, cause she had a boyfriend.
I crouched down and cried. I cried long and hard. I was confused, I was hurt, and I felt alone.

It was so long before I moved again that I was shaking. Not because of the cold, or the dew soaking through my jeans and the back of my top. Not because I was scared of somebody finding me here, that was the least of my worries; or because of the cramps I was experiencing as a girl in that part of the month. I was shaking from crying so hard, because I wanted to be with Faye. I wanted her to be mine.

I don't know exactly how long I sat there crying, but it was probably a long while before anybody saw me.
"Lisa?" A loud Welsh voice shouted. H.
I swore under my breath, that was just what I needed, somebody to tell me it was all okay. I stayed quiet, and hoped he wouldn't notice me.
"Hello smol one." He teased. I looked at him, and he crouched beside me. I'd failed at hiding myself. "Faye's looking for you." He continued. That was also just what I wanted, she was happy with Lee, what did she want from me being there as well?
"Great." I replied, accidentally rolling my eyes as I spoke. It was a bad habit that I needed to get rid of.
"Okay using my best judgement of female relationships and emotions, something's happened. Now then, what was it that's caused you to cry out here because I'll assume they're connected?" He asked me.
I tried to work out how best to tell him without sounding like a pathetic jealous little girl. I wanted to be able to tell him all about my feelings for Faye, knowing he'd understand somewhat considering he had feelings about Lee, although I just couldn't bring myself to it.
"Do you... feel a certain way for Lee too by chance? Because he's hot so I could see why you might." He said to me after an uncomfortably long silence. "Hell wait up! I don't wanna be competing against you as well to get Lee's love! It's bad enough with curly!"
"No! No, not... not for Lee." I replied bursting into tears again. "I've realised my feelings H and I just feel like a petty jealous little girl. I'm in love with a certain beautiful blonde... I suspect you can probably guess which one." I said.
He sat there puzzled, until I saw dawn across his face. "Oh. You're a female gay? A... what are they called? No, no, no... It'll come to me... A... urm... Oh! Lesbian?" He asked.
I couldn't say anything so I nodded instead. He stood up, and then helped me to my feet. "At least I'm not the only wiggle around here." He announced. I smiled, knowing that Claire called him a wiggle sometimes because that was 'almost the right word' to describe his choice. As offensive as we all knew that could be she only did it very rarely and always as a joke. H put his arms around me, and I just cried into his chest for a while.

When I was done crying, he took my hand gently, and we walked up the field to the gate. Feeling a bit lazy we climbed over instead of opening it, and then walked back along the alleyway hand in hand again as a random, but acceptable pair of LGBT friends. When we reached the kissing gate, he went first and kissed my cheek as a joke. I could feel my cheeks burning bright red, but I still kissed him back on my turn. We walked out of the gap in the hedge into the corner of the green. I looked across to the play-park in the other corner, and instantly recognised Claire sat on the swings.
"Please, don't mention what I've told you to any of the others." I whispered in his ear.
"Only if you please act normal with Faye, it'll make it easier for you in the long run." He replied.
Momentarily, I was confused, I'd never told him the girl I like's name. I then realised that we discussed Faye and Lee, and I hadn't really made it subtle. "I will." I replied, the last thing I needed was for Faye to dislike me. If she wasn't my girlfriend, I still wanted her to be my best friend. Not for a weird reason, but because she was great fun, and she was always so cheerful.
"Your secret is safe with me." He replied, offering me his right pinky finger. I touched mine to his, and he nodded. I smiled.
"If you ever need any... hummm... we'll call it advice... I'll be happy to talk to you. We've got to stick together." He said, as he brushed a few remaining tears off my face with his thumb. I took his hand and we walked across the green to the play-park. Claire walked over to us when she saw us approaching and presumably was sure it was us.
"Where the hell have you been Lisa?" She asked sharply. She was our mum friend, who always needed to know where everybody was and normally we loved her for it. Just not today.
I contemplated slapping her, but decided against it. Slapping her would just make my issue worse. "For a walk." I lied eventually as my brain caught up. It actually sounded convincing, and probably would have worked if my face wasn't bright red from all the tears. Fortunately, Claire decided pushing the matter wouldn't help the situation, and accepted my lie with a look of sheer distaste.

We walked back to the house slowly, discussing different matters. We were stalling getting back so hard, we took all the indirect back allies instead of just walking down the road. We let ourselves in through the garden and into the kitchen via the back door, H's favourite method for getting into the house. I went straight to the front door, hanging my key up before I had chance to lose it. I went to my room, sat down on my bed and sighed knowing really I should wash my face and put on some light make-up for the meeting. I already knew it could be a long week.