this is us

pondering thoughts

pon·der

ˈpändər/

verb

think about (something) carefully, especially before making a decision or reaching a conclusion.

every human being starts to see the world

from there own point of view

at a certain age

i was a young girl who was thirteen

that's when i really started to think

and wonder around

i started to ponder my thoughts

i taking in the world that surrounded me

as i walked through the park

then i started to watch outside my car window

when my dad drove my family downtown

i started to ask questions

that were unanswerable

it was like looking through a telescope

i was dissecting the world bit by bit

i wanted to know everything about it

but i was much to young to know everything

so i listed the good things in life

and the frightening

the world frightened me

i started to notice the people dying

or getting killed on the news

i started to be aware of the guys walking behind me

i started taking in the people that were up to no good

i stopped watching the news

because it gave me nightmares

that were reality so it just frightened me more

nightmares that are real

is probably the scariest thing for a thirteen year old girl

i started to look at flowers and plants

i started to see how beautiful they were

so i filled my room with plants

but eventually they died

i wished i could be wrapped in flowers

maybe then i would be beautiful

i wished daisies could be tangled in my hair

while wild flowers would go around my rib cage

i wished that tall ivy would grow up my legs

it sounds odd

but all i wanted to be was a flower

my consumption about that world was that

it basically sucks

but people should focus on the good things in life

because one day we will all die

and i know no one would want to die

thinking about bad things

so focus on the good things

but then again i was just pondering

at the fragile age of thirteen