Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

6,

Dear Myself,

I heard a new love song on the radio coming home from sixth form and personally, I didn't know whether to gag or cry. The person singing it was screeching like a seagull and my Mum who was with me rolled her eyes in amusement. When I saw her behind the wheel of her car, I was so worried because of her health but she insisted that just a short ten minute drive wasn't going to harm anyone. Next week is half term and finally, I can taste some form of freedom away from the classroom. On my iPad, a link to the City College application form is stored in my favourites, ready to send to the printer but as of right now, I'm too anxious to fill it out. Being eighteen when the course would start in September, would other students find that too intimidating?

Diary, I am single and always have been. Never been kissed just like that film with Drew Barrymore and never been told the three magic words I love you. Every year at school around Valentine's Day, there's an anonymous service run by older students where you approach them and ask them to fill out a love heart with a small flower for someone. Not only is that cute, it also can happen to people that you least expect it to happen to. This has never happened to me but one girl at school who was a bit of punk rock goddess got one of these anonymous notes and spent the whole day just going up to other students and asking if they had sent the note. She was told by someone that why she'd got one because she looked ugly. This girl should have been strong but in front of everyone, including me, she burst into tears. Suddenly, this tall male student who I had seen around comes up and gives the student who said that an almighty punch which all hell broke lose.

I was only thirteen at the time but that made me realise that people who want love and are passionate about finding the one to call a soul-mate fight for it. If anyone or anything stands in their way, they plan to conquer it. The punk rock girl and the guy who sent a punch did date for about six months but broke up during the summer holidays. Around the City College campus the other day at open event, I did notice a number of couples holding hands, some wearing guitar cases around their backs so automatically I assumed that they were studying music.

I guess my favourite couple I know personally is my Mum and Dad. Mum describes my Dad as her handsome rock which did give me visions of a beach we all like going to, however it's very rocky and very easy to slip down on your butt particularly if the tide has just gone back out and left the deposits behind. When Mum failed her A-Levels, she was thrown out by her Mum (so my Gran who we don't speak to) and so she was homeless for a while. It was on a rainy day when Mum was walking towards the train station to see how much a one way ticket cost for Edinburgh when she slipped over in the middle of the road and twisted her ankle. Out of nowhere, a man rushes forward and lifts her up, carrying her towards the pavement and plonking her down on the side. Through tears, my Mum looks up at the man who would end up being my Dad and her future husband. For them, it was love at first sight which I believe in.

It was a bit scary when I was born because my parents had not married by that time, it was a few years later when they finally said 'I Do' in front of crying members from both families but not my Gran who refused to attend, a jealous little bat. Today, their love is as strong as ever and secretly, I do believe that nothing and no-one will ever come between them. It's not like that for our next-door neighbours though, going through a divorce and then a dispute over who owns the land at the back of their house, spending time and money in the courtroom when realistically, they could have sat round a table and have a civil conversation. Nope. Not gonna happen.

Sometimes when I get home early from sixth form, all I can hear through the walls of the house are slamming doors, shouting, crying. You get the picture Diary, the atmosphere can feel so stuffy and uncomfortable whenever I'm trying to work and all I get are cracks from lack of love and care. They do have a cat however who is absolutely adorable, a grey tabby called Bobbie who likes to sit on the roof of our garden shed. He's very friendly and sensibly during his owner's arguments, he brings himself outside (even in the pouring rain) and sits there upright like one of the cats a witch has sat on the back of their broomstick. It's cute but at the same time, sad to witness Bobbie feeling depressed because potentially he could be dumped or sold off to someone else. I would grab him and take care of his needs but Damien isn't the biggest fan of fluffy cats so a no-go idea.

Regarding my struggles and experiences of love, I have been in love before but honestly, I do put that down to hormones and growing up in life which everyone goes through so nothing special there. The guy I used to crush on does go to the City College but he has a girlfriend who I've seen around the city with friends, new hair colour every month and smoking. Mum would have a fit if I ever put a cigarette to my mouth. But peer pressure can be a bitch, the best way to combat that is to focus on what you came to do and for me, that's work, write, have fun with photography and not get on the wrong side of the law.

Maybe this year, I may find my real true love in the most unexpected of places. If this does happen, my parents would be really excited for me if not cautious since first times are always the scariest. But Diary, I think creating the perfect romance isn't a walk in the park. My true love must be kind, caring, thoughtful, reliable and passionate about something whether it be sports or music for example. Just thinking about it brings a weird feeling little smile to my face.

Let's see what half term brings including the birthday of my Mum and Damien at an indoor sports event trying to win medals just like the Olympics. Time to get some shut eye methinks.

Yours,

Morwenna