I am ME [ftm transgender boyxboy]

[8] Start To Fall

A/N: Wow I am such a cold heartless bitch, poor Preston. I'm totally fucking with him when he should just be fucking with Lonnie. Hm, I should be worried about my mom seeing this, but she's probably used to my antics. Hi mommy c:

Anywhore, I'm making a spin-off with Jesse and Mason about how they met yada yada. I think I'm calling it Saving Jesse. I'll probably post it after I finish I Am ME in a few months, unless a lot of people want me to post it sooner. 

Also, this chapter may contain graphic details of a non sexual nature ;3;...

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 The ride home was cold and quiet. It was funny how I started calling it home already.

Jesse seemed as though he was alternating between fury and utmost shock. Mason just looked concerned for Jesse, which just made me laugh bitterly to myself. Jesse was only going to get hurt in the end. Mason too. So it was stupid of them to cling to each other when they would only cause themselves anguish.

I stared blankly out the window, not really seeing what was behind it. My thoughts were bleak and miserable, spiraling slowly downward. I was trying my best to keep still, worried something would shatter the perfect numbness I had created. It was better than the agony that threatened to rip me to shreds. At least, I hoped so.

Lonnie was throwing nervous glances my way when he thought I wasn’t looking. If I wasn’t so numb, I would be annoyed. He had no right to be concerned for me.

The rest of the ride was spent in dismal silence, and when we arrived at the apartment the atmosphere hadn’t changed. Jesse was fuming as he grabbed Mason’s hand, pulling him into their room, obviously wanting to rant. That left Lonnie and I alone.

Lonnie rounded on me, a pleading look on his sweet face as he opened his mouth to speak. I raised my hand to stop him, my expression cold.

“Don’t say anything,” my voice coming out more frigid than I expected, “I don’t want to hear it.”

He looked crushed, his expression crumpling. I turned on my heel, ignoring the twinge in my chest. I strode quickly into Lonnie’s room with my things, setting them in the corner. I would put them away later; I didn’t want to risk feeling anything again.

I was mentally and emotionally exhausted from today’s activities, so I crawled up to the top bunk and curled into a ball, hoping to escape my thoughts that were threatening to envelope me.

I blinked my eyes slowly, suddenly overcome by sleep.

Well, at least now I could escape.

Finally.

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I opened my eyes slowly, blinking to clear the sleep from my eyes. It was dark in the room, but Lonnie wasn’t here yet. I glanced at my phone, seeing it was nearly 1 am.

I climbed slowly down from the bed, wanting to see where everyone was. The voices were easily heard from the walls, but I couldn’t quite make out what they were saying.

I padded softly to the door, quietly opening it and peeking out.

Lonnie was speaking heatedly to Jesse and Mason. I strained my ears to make out what he was saying.

“He isn’t in a good place,” Lonnie argued, “I'm worried about him. Really worried.”

He sounded genuinely upset, and I discounted the warm feeling spreading through my chest.