I am ME [ftm transgender boyxboy]

[2] I'm not a morning person.

A/N: Hello Emily, AKA only reader i have! Thank you so much for encouraging me to upload, which is why I'm up at 4 AM desperately trying to finish this chapter. Anywaaays, this chapie is dedicated to you. I hope you can see the connection to you here.

And if anyone is just tuning in, hello! greetings! This is the second chapter and i know it's boring now, but it wILL GET BETTEr i promise! ;-; 

'Renee' in the photo-crotch c:

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I didn’t open my eyes. Well, I didn’t want to. Nope, not one bit. I wasn’t too keen on waking up to my ludicrous mother brandishing hair extensions and makeup at me. The makeup I was fine with, more or less. A dark ring of eyeliner, sure. Then again, it doesn’t seem as though that’s the line of thinking my mother was on. She liked to try and make me look like a Babie. But Barbie’s aren’t real. Nor was the façade she caked on my face every morning.

 I knew, the moment I ‘woke up’, I would have to get up, paint on a smile and take those damn hair extensions gratefully from my mother’s judgmental hands.

It doesn’t need to be elaborated on that my mother doesn’t understand the LGBT community. She speaks about them as if they were lost children in need of saving. Pitiful, sad, confused. But it’s not her fault; she is only a product of her upbringing. So I don’t try to blame her. Mostly.

Eventually, my eyes fluttered open and I gazed vacantly at an invisible point on the ceiling. I started and my eyes snapped to the window at the sound of a car starting up. I rolled over lazily to glance out of the shiny pane of frosty glass and saw her pull out of the drive. With a heavy groan I turned over onto my back and heaved a sigh.

After a few contemplative moments, I huffed and pushed myself off of my plush mattress. The house was silent as bones. It always was, unless filled with the incessant and insipid babble of my mother. My father was constantly being called away on business trips, not that I really cared. I mean, hell, can you blame me? The dude was never around! Anyways, my older brother was away at college, and he was more like a parent to me than anyone else. It was devastating when he left last year. Well, not even ‘left’, it was more like, ‘violently and harshly pushed out’. Two days before he graduated high school, he came out as gay to my parents. It was like a soap opera bomb went off in the house, and everyone was covered in the bubbles.

My mother begged him, sobbing uncontrollably, to change his mind, and my father just stood there stoically, gazing coldly at him. It took them four whole hours before their effort to change his natural orientation exhausted. That night I snuck into my brother’s room and saw him sitting on the ground with tears pouring silently down his face. My heart jerked painfully and I sat next to him, gripping him tightly. He kept whispering the same words over and over again.

“It’s just not fair, not fair, so not fair, why me, oh god this isn’t FAIR.."

Even as I hugged him tighter I still couldn’t hold together his broken pieces.

But it turned out his boyfriend could. Jesse ditched our house faster than you can say fuck to a prostitute. He seemed to regain most of his old light, and I knew Mason was good for him. I was so glad they had each other, but at the same time I was slightly bitter. With him gone, mother and father tightened their grip immeasurably on me, as if they could keep me from being who I was by sheer force of will.

Needless to say, my parents didn’t attend his graduation ceremony.

He told me it was the happiest day of his life.

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I jerked suddenly, knocked out of my musing by the harsh wailing of my alarm clock. My feet padded softly on the dark hardwood floor and I meandered over towards my purposefully scuffed and faded metal dresser.

Dear god I was feeling rebellious today. I needed to do SOMETHING to either piss my mom off or feel better about myself; I didn’t know which of the two ideas was winning the war in my head. Ah hell, either way I felt pretty damn happy.

The clothes I picked out were hidden at the bottom of my dresser and were a secret birthday present from Jesse last year. Before, I had been too freaked to even TRY wearing them, even when I knew my parents were gone. Well, fuck it. Apparently I was inheriting my brother’s innate ability to piss people off.

I slipped on the ripped black slim fit jeans first, shimmying them up over my hips and then shrugging them down. They hugged my thighs slightly, but got kinda loose on my lower legs. I wiggled my feet to feel the extra material bunched up on my heel. Christ I loved these jeans already.

I fished around for the shirt, which was long sleeved, dark gray and had a hood on the back. I laid it on the bed and thought for a moment, feeling like there was something missing. It suddenly hit me like a ton of gay-ass-transgender-bricks. My boobs! I mean, they weren’t there, but they were there. Like, you could see them in a normal shirt but I could hide them pretty well in a baggy sweatshirt.

I rifled through my top drawer and drug out a tight sports bra. A few moments later, my outfit was complete, and I turned towards the mirror. Well, I can safely say that that was the closest I’ve ever come to fainting from happiness.

I looked like a guy! I grinned like a goof, doing a really weird silly ballerina thing. I flipped blonde my bangs and winked at myself in the mirror, giggling at how silly it looked. I suddenly got an idea and tugged my phone from underneath my pillow, taking a few pictures in the mirror, some making odd faces, others just grinning like my happiness was pouring over the top. Which it was, duh!  I sent them all to Jesse, who should be just getting up to drag his ass to his Human Sexuality class. A few moments later I was rewarded with a buzz from my back pocket as he texted me back.

“Holy hella damn, do I have a younger brother now kid, or are you just trying ta piss of the ‘rents?”

I giggled at my idiotic older brother, shaking my head.

“idk lmao you idiot. I'm still figuring shit out, but I think it’s a bit of both.”

“Coolio. Hey, me and Mason are gonna be in town in a few days, and his cousin is enrolling in your school. You game to come hang out with us for a bit?”

I contemplated it, chewing on my lower lip thoughtfully. I’d get hell from my parents, but fuck, (no pun intended oops, sorrynotsorry,) I really wanted to see my brother!

“Duh boy! I adore you and Mason’s gay asses!”

That was the exact moment I looked up to see my mother shaking in fury. The laughter died in my throat and the color drained from my face. I suddenly felt cold all over, cowering and feeling as though I was 2.5 feet tall. And for all the world, I was.