Playing Heart Games

Pre-Game 37: Go Back

VIOLET

I'd been studying for seven hours when I finally looked up from my textbook. The desk clock glowed 11:00pm.

You should go to bed.

I didn't move.

I liked to pretend that studying—nowadays—was for the betterment of my education. That wasn't true. Racing through textbook after textbook kept my mind focused. I knew the moment I stopped, every thought and every memory that I was trying to hold at bay would return.

I slipped off my glasses, rubbing my eyes, before I walked out of the room. I shut the door quietly behind me. Unlike Ken's mansion, every sound in my dad's five bedroom house was audible. The walls were thin enough that I could hear Cole tapping his iPad screen two doors down. The absence of Hannah whispering on the phone meant she'd probably snuck out to attend a party. Even though we were half-siblings, she was my complete opposite.

I tiptoed towards the stairs, avoiding the creaky step halfway down.

The night I'd arrived here, I hadn't known to avoid it. It'd broken. Dad's family had groaned. Even though he'd fixed it that night, it seemed like an omen.

It had been two months since I'd left Reynard. I'd gotten used to the house, to the quiet cul-de-sac, to the nearby private school Ken had insisted on enrolling me in. But it didn't stop me feeling like an outsider. Dad's family shared inside jokes I didn't understand. They understood each other in a way me and mom used to understand each other. And, though mom visited me as often as she could, I missed her so badly that it hurt.

And Axel—

I stopped thinking.

Voices drifted towards me as I approached the foot of the stairs. I paused. The kitchen lights were on, the shadows of two figures visible.

"She can't stay here forever." Samantha—dad's wife. My stepmother.

Dad sighed.

"Chris, we don't have the space," she said.

"She's doing fine in the guest room," dad replied.

Samantha made an exasperated noise. "That's not what I mean, and you know it. And what about when we have actual guests? She should be living with her mom in that huge mansion her rich husband has. It's obvious she doesn't want to be here. She sits in her room all day."

"Studying. She was like that before. She's a hard worker."

"She's anti-social," she retorted. "Look—she's spent eighteen years living with her mother. Why change that now?"

He sighed again. "Sam, I think something upset her there. If she wants to stay with us, why not let her?"

"She's a burden."

"Samantha," Dad protested.

She snorted. "What? Do you want me to lie?"

I turned, making my way back to my room.

Dad laughed. "You always were too blunt."

I could hear the smile in Samantha's voice, "Isn't that what you love about me?"

I returned to my room, shutting the door behind me. Then I slid to the ground.

Was that what they all thought?

She was right—I didn't want to be here. If I could pick anywhere, I would be in Reynard, two months and one day ago. Before I ruined everything.

I stood.

The last thing I'd wanted to be was a burden.

The selfish part of me had come here so I wouldn't have to face what I'd done. The other part didn't want to hurt Axel. Didn't want him to have to see me every day, to remember the lies I'd told.

But it had been over two months. Axel would be over what I'd done.

Over me.

And that selfish part of me wanted to see him again. Even if it was from afar.

Which was why I crossed the room towards my phone.

To mom: Can I come home?