Playing Heart Games

Level 20: Try to be Good

AXEL

There was an ice cream store ten minutes from the house.

I snuck glances at Violet as we walked. She caught me the third time.

You're perfect.

I looked away quickly.

Heat seeped into my cheeks. Damn it, I think I might be blushing. I tilted my head so she couldn't see my face, pretending I was staring at the sea.

We ordered at the till, settling opposite each other in a booth by the windows.

I tried to focus on the ice cream instead of her, but I could barely taste it. A first for me. I'd never shown anyone the house before. I wasn't even sure why I'd shown it to her. It was supposed to be private, like a diary.

This whole thing made me feel off—like I'd cut myself open, and shown her my organs.

Inside the house, I couldn't put on the Axel Ryder mask I was supposed to wear. I just became a sad kid who spent hours painting walls.

Maybe I shouldn't have shown her after all.

"You're really talented at art," she said suddenly.

I glanced up. She was staring at me.

I flashed her an Axel Ryder grin. "Thanks curls."

Her expression made me wonder if she'd bought the smile.

"Why don't you take it as a subject?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Doubt my dad would be happy about that." I leaned forward, maintaining my grin. "Art's not a real job to him."

Her brows furrowed. "But you're amazing at it."

The compliments were starting to bother me. How the hell was I supposed to respond to something like that?

"I don't think this is the time to convince my dad of my future success as an artist," I said. Just ignore the compliment. Change the subject. "He gave a pretty serious ultimatum last week—be good or get shipped off to England."

Her eyes widened. "He's going to send you away?" she asked, horrified.

I shrugged. "He's threatening to. So I'm on my best behaviour." I grinned. "Except for skipping all my classes."

She looked so concerned that I almost wanted to laugh. "You can't risk it! You need to go to your classes. I can help you catch up on stuff you've missed—" she faltered. "I don't really know as much as other students though, since I'm new, but I can still try to help."

She was volunteering to help me. Because she didn't want me to leave.

There was a weird sensation in my chest. One that I didn't have a name for.

"Is there a reason he picked England?" Violet asked.

I shrugged.

If it was England, I could guess where he might send me. And there was no way in hell I was going back there.

"But you really don't want to go, do you?" she said.

A prickle of discomfort ran down my spine. When had she learned to read my expressions?

"England is..." I struggled for the right words.

The place where everything went to sh*t.

"The place where Icarus touched the sun," I decided.

I expected her to say that she had no idea what I was talking about. Instead, she nodded, like she understood.

"Something bad happened there?" she asked softly.

I parted my lips, but I couldn't make the words come out. "Imagine if you could trace every bad thing in your life back to one moment," I finally said.

She nodded. Her face firmed. "Then we can't let him send you there."

That feeling was back.

Her eyes met mine. "You can't skip classes anymore, okay?"

Axel Ryder would make a joke. He would shrug this conversation off. He would smirk and change the subject.

But instead, I said, "Okay."

*

Which was how I ended up sitting in a classroom on a Monday afternoon.

What the hell are you doing Axel?

People were staring at me as if a pink elephant had wandered in. Even the teacher kept glancing over, shock on her face.

Again, what the hell are you doing Axel?

You're sitting in a classroom. On a sunny afternoon. Actually trying to pay attention.

Even I couldn't believe I was here.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd actually attended a class.

Probably before Dakota and Jake slept together.

The teacher cleared her throat, turning to face the room. "Can someone explain the equation I just demonstrated in their own words?" Her eyes slid over the students, settling on me. "Mr Ryder?" she asked, unsure.

The entire class turned to stare.

I looked at the board.

And here was where things always got crappy. I could have sworn I'd watched her draw out the equation, I'd probably even heard the explanation, but I couldn't remember it.

My throat tightened, discomfort rippling down my spine.

What the f*ck are you doing here Axel?

I flashed the teacher a grin. "No thanks. Can I be excused?"

She blinked rapidly. "Uh, s-s-sure."

I grabbed my bag and walked out of the room.

There. I'd tried.

And like everything else I did, it was an utter failure.

This was good enough. Now I was going home.

I left the main school building through one of the rear entrances. I crossed over the grass towards the parking lot, ignoring the 'Do Not Step On The Grass' sign. Until I stopped.

The school library was separate from the main building, large portions of its exterior made of glass.

Enough that I could see the person sitting at one of the window-side tables.

Violet, wearing black-framed glasses, poring over textbooks.

This time, my grin was real.

Maybe I wouldn't go home just yet.

*

Thank you for reading :D