Half Full

Chapter 16

I woke up to a heavy weight around my stomach. I open my eyes and right next to me was none other than Ryder Scott. His right arm lying over my waist, his fingers dangerously close to the waistband of my sweats. His right leg hooked over my legs pinning me down to my mattress. His lips way too close to my face, his breath hot on my right cheek.

Jesus.

It was all too much.

I wriggle slowly down the bed when his arms tighten around me.

"How is your ankle?" What? What ankle? I wiggle my foot and it seems fine.

"Good, I guess."

"Good," I swear his sleepy, groggy voice was even sexier than I could ever imagine. And just when I thought that all this was too much and that his right leg ended up on mine by accident he moved his leg up and down, his knee coming all the way to my thighs and slowly moving down. He pressed closer to me and I felt his morning wood on my hip. "Sorry." He throws in my ear but I didn't find anything that indicated that he was sorry at all, he just smiles and presses his nose into my neck.

"Don't worry. It's fine." As soon as those words left my mouth I wanted to slap myself with a brick. What the hell Payton?

"You're fine with morning wood pressed to your hip?" He half-laughs, half teases me.

Jesus. Now I look like a cheap hooker. "No, I mean...it's normal right? You can't help it. That's what you guys have to deal with on a daily basis. I don't see anything wro-"

"No, I can't help it." He chuckles. "Not when I'm lying next to the hottest girl I ever laid my eyes on."

And that's what they all say when they are trying t get into your pants. And this one, right here, is doing nothing to break out of the pathetic breed of horny frat boys.

I grab his leg and lift it off myself, rising up from the bed.

"Did I say something wrong?" He sits up on the bed and I just shake my head walking towards the door grabbing my toiletry bag.

"Usually takes me about fifteen minutes to take a shower." I close the door behind me, hoping he will take the hint.

I can't stop thinking about him while I lather my skin with soap. There is no denying that there is some weird, charged air between us. Up until a few nights ago, I thought I was the only one with that feeling but the look in his eyes right before we kissed and all those tender touches he gave me last night while he was drifting away right next me, tell me that I'm not the only one feeling something.

There is a big, no, huge, part of me that is scared to even say it out loud, that I might feel something, even a tiny something, towards him. I got burned so badly last time I let myself be consumed by a boy who promised me everything and more. I got scarred from all those promises. So if I would have to choose my heart or my head, at this moment I would definitely choose my head. The head is always the best, the safer way to go. It always thinks straight. It always takes all the pros and cons into consideration. It never fails you. A heart is the one that betrays you. Your heart is the one that speaks so loudly over your stoic head that you have no other choice but listen, cave in, let yourself feel, knowing that the end most likely won't be rainbows and butterflies. So, that stupid heart, with its power to cloud your judgment, makes everything seem easy and promises you a happy ending. And you fall for it. Every damn time. Plus, you get no guarantees that when you get to the end, all cracked up and broken, that you will ever be able to be whole again. Yeah, that's the heart all right.

So, while I stand in that shower, water cold already, I try to quieten that loud voice in my heart telling me that it's ok, that I should forget about being strong enough to handle whatever waits for me at the end. Instead, I choose to listen to my rational head telling me that boys like him are not interested in girls like me. That definitely sounds more believable that sweet, sugary 'fairy tale' stories my heart was trying to sell me.