To The Moon And Back | ON HOLD

22 | Vega

Warning: This chapter contains topics such as suicide and child pornography. If these topics are upsetting and triggering to any of you, I highly suggest you skip this chapter for your own safety and health!

E L L I E

Considering how long the threat of my impending death has been looming over my life, I've grown to a point where I no longer fear it. Someone once said to me that death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. And I've resonated with this quote for as long as I could remember. I cling onto it with the remnants of my withering life and I always will.

I may have come to terms with the end of my life, but I'll never be prepared for those around me. It's in those little moments where I find myself unwilling to just accept the fact that death is inevitable and it can come for someone I love any day.

Death is my companion, but when it threatens the people around me, it becomes my enemy.

"I probably hit you with a lot there didn't I?" Xavier chuckled bitterly as his gaze glided towards the dark sky. "Yeah, you did." I can't imagine witnessing Stewart or Lizzie's death. And no way would I be able to survive Alec's. So no matter how much I sympathize with him, I'll never be able to relate to the pain he feels on that level.

"You see, Ellie, the reason why I was so mad at you last week when you said that you trusted me is that trust is exactly what got Eric killed. Not literally but it was still the cause." He licked his chapped lips as he spoke but refused to meet my gaze. I could tell this topic was heavy on his heart.

Maybe I shouldn't let him tell me this and open up wounds he's mostly likely already closed or is working on closing. "Xavier, you don't need to tell me this." His lips quirked upwards, "thanks for your concern but I'm sharing this with you more so for my benefit."

What does that mean?

"See, I haven't spoken to anyone about this. Not since three months ago, when West abandoned me on Eric's anniversary." So, that's the sole reason why their friendship crumbled. Sure, Ashley was a leading cause but Xavier stated that countless times West had screwed him over and that night was the one he could never forgive.

I understand why.

He needed a friend.

And he was probably all alone with the memory of his other friend's death.

"Eric was one of the kindest people I've ever met in my life. When I moved to this town, I had no friends, this place was foreign to me and I was mentally unstable. I was a wreck. And Eric was the first person at my new school to see past all my flaws. Obviously, along the way, I made my friends from the band but Eric wasn't like them.

He was quiet, reserved, but he was kind, loving, compassionate. . .he was like the momma bear of the group and he was also extremely trusting and that made him gullible." Xavier finally turned his attention towards me. The look in his eyes was heavy to the point where it felt as if his gaze alone would be enough to crush me under it.

It was the same look they held the night at the restaurant. Disappointment, frustration, anger? Yet it didn't seem directed at me. "You remind me of Eric. In the short time I've known you, I can tell that you're just as kind, loving, compassionate and trusting as he is. . .and." He breathed in heavily.