To The Moon And Back | ON HOLD

08 | Hadar

E L L I E

"See mom I told you there was nothing to worry about, you're giving yourself wrinkles before you've even hit old age yet," I chuckled softly, trying my best to ease the tension that had slipped into the room. Alec flashed me an incredulous look as if telling me to shut up.

I pursed my lip in a thin line before tearing my eyes away from him. "She's right, her fainting was just because of exhaustion, she should be fine otherwise."

Being here was torturous, and sure my mother was worried about me after I fainted from nothing more than exhaustion from lack of sleep, but she didn't need to rush me here as if I was going to die here and now.

This isn't the first time I've fainted in my life. She knows what it looks like. Being here was like a constant reminder that I'll be spending my last minutes on earth in a room like this months or years from now if treatment doesn't work.

"I-I'm sorry I just-I panicked." She muttered under her breath, a hopeless sigh escaping her lips. Dr. Lucia nodded his head in understanding. "Well, now that you're here we might as well schedule Ellie's appointment with her radiation Oncologist. How does next week Wednesday at 1 pm sound?"

"Okay, yeah that's fine." She muttered. Her face was a tell-tale sign of distress. I hated seeing my mother like this. When I went into remission I thought it would have been the last time, but now sitting on this hospital bed I prayed to God that it really was the last.

"Okay, that's all set. Dr. Raymond should give you a call to verify the appointment later today so look out for that. In the meantime, Ellie I'd advise you to avoid eating anything that includes; sodium added sugar, solid fats and alcohol.

If you guys are unsure of what food to intake I could recommend you a list of nutritionists. But for the meantime, I'll email you the list of foods to avoid eating." My mother thanked Dr. Lucia as Alec helped me climb off the bed.

After a few more inquiries, we all left in silence.

I didn't know what to say, mostly because I didn't want to upset my mother more. She has a right to worry about me, I'm her dying daughter after all, but we've all come to terms with my fate. And whether I live longer than a year or not, my time will eventually come.

But I'll be damned if it's anytime now.

"Hey, let's go grab some snacks before we go to the car," Alec said as his hand enclosed around mine, tugging me away from our mother, but not before calling out to her that we'd be outside soon. She sighed in response and slipped through the glass doors.

"What are you doing?" I asked confusedly.

"Breaking the tension. Mom is just worried, don't hold it against her, I know you and I know you will so don't even try denying it. P-put yourself in our shoes. Losing you would be losing the other half of ourselves, and I know it's harder for you because it's your life, but we're your family Ellie."

He halted in his footsteps and suddenly wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest in a tight gripped hug. "We just want you to be safe."

•••

I couldn't stay home after what happened at the hospital today. The tension was too thick for me to be able to breathe and sure Alec was right, I have placed myself in their shoes and losing me might single-handedly be the most horrible thing that could happen to this family.

But I didn't need a reminder that I was going to die every time something happened to me and my mother throws herself into a panic attack. I need to be able to feel at least remotely normal if I want to get through this year.