Crush

Crush's 12

Movie: Ocean's 12

How's school?

Okay naman po, dad. And I think pasado naman po ako sa final exams ko.

You think?

I'm sure po.

Good!

Nandito ako ngayon sa library. My father requested to have a little chat by ourselves after dinner. Gawain na namin ito every time umuuwi ako for a vacation. Ako lang kasi sa mga anak niya ang nag-aaral sa Manila, so he needs to be updated by me directly bukod sa mga sinasabi sa kanya ni mommy o ng mga kapatid ko.

What about your volleyball?

Ahm, nakabreak pa rin po, dad. We'll resume training after three weeks.

So, you'll gonna stay here then?

Ahm, hindi po. Balik na din ako Manila by next week.

And why so?

Ahm, mag-aayos po ng class schedules and...

What about Luigi?

Dad...

He came with you. Sinagot mo na ba siya?

He's not courting me po. And you know my pr...

But I like him for you.

Unfortunately dad, my feelings for Luigi remain the same.

Deanna...

Dad, please? Can we stop talking about Luigi or any...

So, sino gusto mong pag-usapan natin? Si Jema Galanza?

Dad...

I still don't agree on how you chose to live your life, Izabelle.

Heto na naman po kami, I mentally tapped my head as I heard those words.

This topic will never get old with my father. Ever since I opened my sexuality to him, hindi puwedeng hindi niya babanggitin ang tungkol dito. I appreciate it tho na ginagawa lang niya yun kapag kaming dalawa lang o kasama si mommy.

And as old as this topic was to him, so is my answer. That's why most of the time, our conversations never ended well.

I know dad. I'm sorry if you're disappointed at me but eto po ako eh. I tried not to sound exasperated as I repeat my reasons. It's not like that I forced myself to be like this.  Ginusto ko po ba? Hindi, but I chose to accept who I am. Kung hindi ko pa tatanggapin sarili ko, I'm not gonna expect you would either. You may still think it's abnormal, but it's not. And you always say love is a mystery and all we have to do is embrace it. I guess this is one of its enigmas. At kung mag-iba man po preference ko, ako pa din naman po ako, di ba? Ako pa rin po si Deanna na anak ninyo. My values and principles in life never change. Lahat ng itinuro nyo sa akin ni mommy, pati ng school, hindi ko kinakalimutan. I just don't see anything wrong with whom my heart beats to. At saka di po ba sinasabi nyo palagi, hindi nagkakamali ang puso? Kay Jema nya gustong tumibok, pipigilan ko po ba?

All the while I was talking, my father was just staring at me. His face looked blank, and I couldn't guess what he's thinking.

I don't want to disappoint him, he knows that. It's just that, this my life. He is my father, yes, but I'm at this age of my life where I should make decisions on my own. I'm not being an ungrateful child, but I'm sure my future will be bleak if I don't follow my heart as early as now.