Just. Sex.

Before: Chapter 12

I'm sorry lmao. Its been long ill be surprised if anyone is still reading. Update on my life: this guy I've liked for a while came to his senses and he asked me out and hes my boyfriend now lol. 

Lets get into it lads.

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Lost in the thoughts of a person, I stumbled back downstairs, determined to try to have some fun. As I stood looking around the room, I looked at a specific couple sitting next to each other on the couches. With all the chaos occurring around them, they didn't seem to notice. They were completely enthralled in each others eyes as they held hands, talked and smiled with happiness shining through their eyes. 

I didn't know if it was the alcohol or the mystery guy's kiss, but suddenly breathing was more difficult than normal. I gasped as a sharp pain went through my heart, all the pain and agony refreshing in my mind like a fresh wound. 

At that moment I looked up and saw Andrew watching me with a small frown and a concerned face. He mouthed "are you ok?" and try as I might, it was incredibly hard to keep pretending that everything was ok, like the other half of my heart wasn't rotting 6 feet under, so I didn't even try. I just stared at him with the blankest face I could muster.

He motioned for me to follow him back upstairs,  and after a brief hesitation started walking towards the way to make this hurt less.

As I was almost at the top of the stairs, I felt a stare from Drew that caused me to give him a confused look before I felt Andrew pulling me up the rest of the way.

He took me to his bedroom and locked the door behind him. Now that I was alone with him, the only thought that existed in my mind was the absolute need for him I had in that moment. As he stood against the door and looked at me, I walked slowly, seductively, with a slight twist of my hips towards him. I watched as his eyes darkened with desire and he rasped out "what are you doing Roxy?" 

"What we both want me to do, Andrew" I replied back with a devilish smirk. I leaned with my hands on his chest and bit his ear. 

He let out a groan before flipping us so that I was against the door and he was the one in control. He looked at me for a pause, searching my face for answers. I looked back at him and with each passing second I felt my masks slipping from me and my desperation becoming more prominent. I looked at him with fear in my eyes and just shook my head, not being able to talk without breaking. 

He seemed to understand the gesture, understood that I just needed him to not ask any questions, understood that I needed him to help me forget.

When he kissed me, it was slow and tender, the action reminding me of someone I deeply tried to repress. I kissed back harder, in an effort to forget... forget....forget. I put hunger and turmoil in my kiss, to move away from any feelings involved, to just give into the animalistic urge inside of me that allowed me to forget everything and everyone. To become just a body, not a mind, to become the person that the rest of the school accused me of being. 

That night, Andrew became all that I needed, allowed me to use him to help only myself. And later, when it was all done, he held me like he didn't have any intention of letting go, allowing me to drift off into sleep with empty thoughts and a full smile. 

[A/N Was gonna stop it here but u really deserve better for me neglecting ya'll kittens]

After waking up in Andrews bed so many times, I should have been used to it, but this time, there was a strange tension in the room when I woke up to Andrew sitting on his chair watching me sleep with a faraway look in his eyes. That look scared me so much that I quickly put on my clothes and spit out some excuse so I could go home, without even eating breakfast. 

As I drove home wrapped in my thoughts, I almost missed my mothers car in our driveway, a sight that usually only happens about every five months. I allowed a hesitant smile to reach my lips as I walked inside and kicked my shoes off. "Hello?" I called out, waiting for an answer and never receiving it. 

I walked to the kitchen and stood for a moment as I saw my mother, as youthful as ever, holding Bobby's hands and exerting a warmth towards him that seemed limitless and restricting. I choked on an unwelcome sob as I called out, "Mom?"

I saw the physical stiffening of my mothers body, the retraction of her smile, her warmth, her overall happiness. All because of little old me. All my memories rushed in and I released a bitter smile as the hope that she might give me that warmth disappeared. 

"Roxanne." She stated. "How have you been?" 

She was trying to keep eye contact, I could tell. She was trying but failing hard as I could always feel that her eyes would flicker around or stare into my forehead. Almost as if I was Medusa and I had the ability to turn her into stone. By the way she had straightened up and seemed afraid to move, I might have.

I smiled and stated that I was great, all the while noticing how silent Bobby had gotten in the site of me, when mere moments ago he's been smiling, all the while begging my own mother to look me in the eyes for more than two second, all the while wishing I could just go and hug them, all the while wishing he was here to make this better.

I stared sadly into what this family had turned into, all because of that dreadful day. The day everything turned into my own personal hell. After awkward silence dispersed on us, I turned with a curt "bye" and walked out the door, not knowing where I was going, just already knowing it was better than here. 

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I love all you readers and I am deeply sorry I could not do this earlier it's been more than a year but I hope you liked this post (?) Ijust rushed to get this out and its not really unedited im sorry again. 

Ill try to update more often this time honestly. I've just been busy with AP's and SAT's and reading other peoples books lol. I got 99 percentile in the SAT's tho so guess who's going to an Ivy League lmaoo? ;)