Dissociative Identity Disorder: Characterized by the presence of two or more distinct identities. Each may have a unique name, personal history, and characteristics.
My eyes scan over the definition and multiple articles that had surfaced when I typed the key word. Multiple personality disorder. I click on multiple sites and absorb as much information as I can about this mental disorder. I make a mental checklist of the behaviors and symptoms and check off symptoms I recognized in Harry such as self-destructive behavior and impulsivity.
Thought to be a complex psychological condition that is likely caused by many factors, including severe trauma during early childhood.
I sit back in my chair with a furrowed brow, early childhood trauma? Harry had nothing but good things to say about his family, I couldn't imagine Anne hurting him at least not in the way I that Harry described her. She died 5 years ago, I hadn't ever met her because they lived hours away. She had died before we got married and I saw Harry had taken her death hard so childhood abuse didn't make sense to me.
It reads that there are many other factors that are likely to cause this disorder but as I read on childhood trauma seemed to be the number one most likely cause. It was the brain's way of dealing with severe trauma in children. Was it possible that Harry lied to be about his home life? Was it possible he was ashamed by his past so he repressed it, made up lies in his mind to deal with the fact that he was abused?
My head spun webs of questions as I sit with research at my fingertips. I read up on what an "alter" meant and terms such as "switching. Nowhere did it tell me anything about the "away" that H referenced from time to time but I understood a lot more about this disorder. H was the alter that was in control over Harry at the moment and I was yet to figure out how to provoke a switch to happen.
After drowning myself in research about split personalities I came to the conclusion that I had to provoke a switch to happen. The question was and remains, how do I trigger Harry to come out?
I knew that Harry was offset by violence and sex but when I was almost raped he didn't fully emerge to the surface. I knew that it had to be Harry that stopped the rape but I needed something that brought him fully out from the away. I pull out up my photos app on my laptop and cycle through old memories that brought a longing to my heart.
It's as if a heavy brink suffocated my delicate heart as I flipped through the memories of us together. I take a deep breath and close my laptop knowing that there was only so much that I can take. My heart was broken in two and every time I saw how happy I once was it only shatters in my chest a little more each time.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath, taking a few seconds to get myself back together. There was no more time to waste sitting around feeling sorry about the situation. I had to take action, I didn't have anymore time to waste. H's time was running out.
+
The aroma of enchiladas roams the air as I wash my dishes I had dirtied making Harry's favorite dish. After thinking about triggers I dove into the things absolutely loved, maybe certain smells or memories could surface him.
Enchiladas were Harry's favorite meal I could make so I thought this would be a good starting point. H had disappeared in the bedroom for the majority of the day left to his own devices which I didn't mind. It was nice to have H out of my hair, it gave me time to research the condition Harry was cursed with.
Not to mention I had a hard time ever since H had snapped on me. I didn't like to think about it too much but ever since that happened H seemed to be a little different. I could tell he was in his head a lot more often, more quiet and less playful with his threatening comments. He was dark before but with a twisted sense of humor but now it was just pitch dark.
