The Marriage Deal

Chapter 10

Chapter 10

I thought what we did is a sign that we can fix already our relationship. But heck, no. He just did that because that is part of his plan. He wants me to be miserable in this marriage. He really wants me to suffer.

And I admit, I don't know how longer I can still hold on to my promise that I will never ever get rid off to this marriage.

Ang hirap kasi nung ikaw lang ang yung nagmamahal, yung lumalaban, yung naghahabol, at ikaw lang yung gumagawa lahat ng efforts.

Nakakapagod, oo. Sobrang sakit, oo. Pero hindi ko alam kung kailan ba maiisipan ng puso kong tumigil na sa pagmamahal sa kanya.

My mind and my body wants to give up. But my heart? It still wanting him even more. I don't know if my heart has its problem or what.

I know, teaching someone's heart is too hard. But I know, my wishes is harder than it is. My wishes?

All I ever wanted is he will loved me back.

All I ever is his love for me.

All I ever wanted is to be his priority.

All I ever wanted is to be treated well by him.

And all I ever wanted is to spend my life with him happily.

And those wishes of mine will never come true.

Do my love for him isn't enough? Do my sacrifices cannot still make him happy? And do my tears isn't enough to prove that he successfully made my life miserable?

Sometimes, I am hoping that one day if I will wake up, I will forget everything. As in everything. I will forget who I used to love, my feelings for him- and everything that reminds me of him.

I am tired of the pain I've been through. Until when this pain will hurt me?

Natapos ko na ang lahat ng gawain dito sa bahay.

Inubos ko na ang lahat ng maaari kong iluha kahit pansamantala kanina ng umalis si Zach para pumasok.

I felt really weak not only because of the pain he cause but also because I am sick.

While we're doing it, my body is really tired and my head like wants to explode. But I didn't let it to stop what good atmosphere we had that time. I want to cherished first that moment.

Halos tanghali na din ako natapos and I am really really tired. Kaya hindi na ako nag- abalang magluto ng tanghalian, instead itinulog ko na lang yung pagod na nararamdaman ko kasama ang pagkagutom.

Nag- alarm na lang ako at natulog na.

*****

Nagising ako nang dahil sa tunog ng alarm clock. Nakita kong medyo madilim na ang labas. Tiningnan ko ang orasan and its 6:48 pm na.

Bumangon na ako at bumaba para magluto na ng hapunan niya.

I feel like my whole body is burning. My visions is blurred. I feel like everything I see is revolving around me.

Nagluto ako ng beef steak at bumalik na lang ulit sa kwarto ko. Nagpunas at nahiga na ulit sa kama.

Narinig ko ang pag- ungol ng aking tiyan na nagsasabi na gutom na siya. Wala pa palang laman ang tiyan ko simula nung umaga pa.

Naramdaman kong nag- vibrate ang phone ko na nasa side table lang ng kama. Pagkatingin ko, all messages from Dave and Michael though 1/4 of those messages, I guess, is from the others.

548 unread messages. 175 missed calls.

Ganun na pala karami. Hindi ko na pala nabuksan ang phone ko mula kanina pa ding umaga.

After what we did and after what he said, gusto ko ng lumuhod sa harap niya that time. To beg for his love. But my ego, stopped me. Kung pati 'yun eh isasakripisyo ko, wala na akong panghahawakan.

I turned off again my phone and decided to sleep again, para maitulog ko na din yung sakit na nararamdaman ko.

Naalimpungatan ako ng may narinig akong balibag ng pinto. Maybe it's Zach. Tiningnan ko ang orasan at gabing-gabi na pala. What should I expect for?

I heard his footsteps na papaakyat dito.

"Yza, I love you. Okay? Just let me to get rid of her and we will be together... Yeah... I-i am sorry... No, please... I promise, just wait me after some months... Yeah, okay.... Bye... I love you"

I heard him said that hanggang nawala na at hindi ko na narinig kung ano ang pinag- uusapan nila. I bet katawagan niya si Yza.

So, after some months he will leave me? Can I live without him? Do I really look like a trash for him that he will just throw me out there easily? Damn it, Zach. Why are you so cruel?