Hold On - Sequel to 'Happier'

4

Andy-

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

I screamed and I cried. I grabbed everything near me and I threw it. I didn't care in that moment what I was breaking or who I was hurting. My mind had shut down. I couldn't control anything. I was going crazy.

I wanted to run out the room. I wanted to lock myself away. I wanted to disappear and never return.

No medicine is strong enough.

That medicine wasn't helping one bit with these thoughts. My body was loosing feeling. I was going numb.

Someone help me. I'm crawling in my skin.

"Do you even care?" I heard a voice scream. It was mine, but it didn't sound like me. I sounded like a whole new person. I'm acting like a whole new person.

Sometimes I feel like giving up.

"Andy, stop. Of course I do." His soft voice filled my ears but I couldn't listen to him. I just couldn't.

But I just can't.

I collapsed to the ground, head in my hands. The world around me was spinning as the tears fell from my eyes and the sobs from my mouth drowned out all other sounds.

It isn't in my blood.

The arms that wrapped around me tightly were long and strong. They held me tight as I leaned into the body they were attached to. I cried harder and burried my face further into the all too familiar chest, breathing in the familiar scent. A smell that was so sweet, so kind, so loving. So home.

"It's ok baby, I'm here." He whispered and held me even tighter, despite the fact that I had been throwing things at him less then five minutes ago.

"I-im stupid Rye." I sobbed weakly. He shook his head and tightened his grip around me again.

"No your not. It's not your fault. You can't control it." He said soothingly. He ran his hands up and down my back, rubbing it gently. "I know you don't mean any of it."

Those were the words I was hoping to hear. That it's ok because I didn't mean it. Because I couldn't control it. I wanted to here those words so bad. But yet I don't deserve to hear those words. After everything he's done for me, everything we've been through. Every time he's stood up for me, every time he held me, every time he comforted me, this is how I treat him. But it's 'fine' because I can't control it.

"No, Rye. I'm hurting you. I know I am. You say it's ok, but it's not. I can tell. I'm not blind. I can see the hurt in your eyes when I yell at you. I can see the pain on your face when I 'cant control myself.' I know you say it to make me feel better, but I know that the minute I'm asleep or the second I'm not with you you'll cry. You'll cry because I'm stupid and I hurt you. I can't make you go through this, Rye. I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I'm too far gone. I've been dropped too many times. Can't you see that even with all you do, no matter how hard you try, you can't just make everything be ok. I can't and no one can. I think it's best for you if you just forget this. Forget about all we have. I can't keep hurting you. It's not my right to hurt you like this. It hurts me to hurt you and I can't do it, Rye." I said, my words becoming weaker and weaker as I continued.

I felt his arms loosen around me and his heart stop against my cheek. I heard his breathing stop as he fell back onto the floor, landing flat on his bum. I looked up and saw his expressionless, emotionless face. The tears were falling harder and faster than they ever had before.

"Andy you can't do this. Please don't do this. I'm nothing without you. Your my pride and joy. Your upset, you need to calm down. You need to breathe. Please just don't make a decision this big until you can think straight. I'll do anything in my power to keep you. I need you Andy, and I know that you need me too. Please calm down. Please don't this. You need to hold on. Hold on to this. Hold on to what we are, what we have. Hold on to me. Hold on to us. Hold on to yourself." He said, timidly grabbing my hands in his. I could hear the emotion in his voice as he spoke words that seemed to give me no option.

I couldn't let him go, even if I tried. He is a part of me. He is my everything and I can't change that. I'm too weak without him. He needs someone to protect and I need a protector. Were perfect for each other and there is nothing that can change that. He is too special for me to let him go.

"I'll hold on for as long as I can. I don't wanna ever let go." I whispered and fell limp in his arms once again.

He lifted me off the ground and placed me on his bed. I was safe in his arms. I knew then that this moment would be fresh on our memories forever. It would always be there to remind us of, no matter what, just how strong we truly are.

~

-|So basically in the next chapter I explained a bit more of what led up to this moment when Andy kinda broke down. Hope this is ok.|-