Fool Me Once...

Part 4

"Where do you think you're going?" Ryan asked, barely awake, tightening his hold on Stevie.

"I'm just going to get a glass of water. My mouth's gone dry." She said, untangling herself from him. "I'll be right back."

Going into the bathroom, she locked the door. She stood in front of the sink, pouring herself a drink. She lifted her eyes up and was met by her own reflection in the mirror. She frowned. Was she crazy? She knew she looked good for her age, she felt good too. But she was older than Ryan... She was going to be 53 and he'd recently turned 40. Suddenly, she started pointing out all of her flaws to herself. Why would Ryan want her out of all the women in the world? Did he genuinely liked her or was he just a brilliant actor with an ulterior motive?

Reentering the bedroom, Stevie found Ryan sitting on the edge of the bed, facing away from her. She bit her lip, seeing his naked form, the muscles of his back quite prominent. She shook herself mentally and got back into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. Ryan looked over his shoulder, his eyebrow raised. 

"Cold?"

"No, just..." Stevie didn't know how to answer, so she didn't. 

"Everything okay?" 

"Fine." Stevie faked a smile, nodding her head. 

Standing up to his feet, Ryan, stark naked, went to use the bathroom. She wished, she could be that confident. Feeling an unexpected sting of tears, Stevie closed her eyes, she didn't want to cry, especially hearing the water running and then it stopped just before Ryan opened the door. She didn't want him to see her cry. He'd ask and she didn't want to give him answers.

"We didn't really talk much last night." Stevie decided to change the subject, when Ryan got back to bed. "And you came here to talk, right?"

Chuckling, Ryan nodded, pulling her closer to himself. "Right, but if we don't talk like we didn't last night, I don't mind." 

"Come on, be serious." She said, laying her head on his chest. "We had a great time together, you left. I called and told you, I'd like to see you again, then you disappeared for a whole week. What's up?"

"Well..." He swallowed uneasily, turning his head the other way, looking at the sky through the window. "I needed to make sure what I want. Who I want." He added and Stevie tilted her chin up, frowning.

"And what does that mean exactly?" 

"I was seeing someone else. We've been on and off again for years." He felt her wanting to push herself away, but Ryan pressed a kiss to her forehead, giving her a look, asking not to do so. "I should have told you I wasn't exactly single."

"Ryan, you know I've been cheated on for a long time and the last thing I want is to be a part of an affair." Stevie said, her tone of voice serious. "It hurts."

"I know, but..." He was struggling for the right words, he didn't want to come on too strong. "Stevie, I like you a lot. You were so willing that night and I just couldn't say no to you. And the next morning, I felt like an asshole." He sighed. "I should have broken it off with Amanda a long time ago and for good."

"You clearly can't if you two have been on and off again." Stevie stated as a matter of fact. 

"It took me some time, but I thought it all through. I thought about Amanda, what's been keeping us together and then I thought about you. With her, it's not love, I knew that already. I guess, we get back together until we drive each other crazy enough to break up again. When we don't find other people we want to be with, by the time we both have calmed down and we get back together. And the cycles keeps repeating. But then I met you." The palm of Ryan's hand caressed the side of her face and Stevie brought her hand up to cover his. "There's something about you... I feel like a completely different man. I'm happy, when I'm around you, I'm excited about seeing you." Looking into her chocolate eyes staring back at him, Ryan finished his thought. "I realized that even if nothing serious could ever happen between us, I didn't want to be with Amanda anymore. I'd rather take a chance with you, than be with her until one of us decides to leave again."

Stevie's heart was beating fast, she didn't know what to say, so she just stared at him. She should have been flattered to say the least, but at the same time, she didn't know if what she wanted right now was more than just sex.

"You should have been open about it from the start." Stevie pulled away from him, sitting up against the headboard. "Ryan, you have to understand that I have just walked away from a marriage. I've been with Mick since, God... almost the mid 70's. That's a lot of my life I dedicated to him. I'm not saying I don't like you, because I do, but I don't think I want more than just the physical aspect of a relationship right now."

"I'll wait." Ryan insisted, reaching for her hand. "Stevie, I don't care if it's going to take another year for you, but if there's a chance..."

"You're putting so much pressure on me." Stevie shook her head slightly. "If we continue on this way, won't you feel like I'm using you?"

His heart wanted to say no, his brain - yes. "I don't care."

"But you do care." Stevie smiled at him weakly, facing him. "You said it yourself, you didn't love Amanda, but you were still with her. Why? Don't you think this is a similar situation?"

Ryan shook his head. "You're different. I never had to fight to be with her, it's always been easy, but I want to fight to be with you."

Breathing out heavily, Stevie swung her legs over the edge of the bed. She couldn't be that close to him right now. "I think you've created some kind of fantasy for yourself, Ryan... Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." He nodded. 

"Are you in love with me?"

"I know I have feelings for you." He said after a minute.

"What if I don't?" 

"Let me prove it to you that you could. I'll show you that I'm serious." Ryan got out of the bed too and approached her, his arms circling her waist.

Was it really that much he was asking, she thought. Not really knowing what else to say, she asked. "The age difference doesn't bother you?"

"I don't notice it. And if that's your argument, then I think I've won." He smiled at her and Stevie gave in, smiling back at him. "Let me take you out on a date."

Considering for a moment longer, she nodded her head at last. "Fine."