How Writing Fanfiction Saved Me

I Promise

Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong to Hiro Mashima

Chapter 9:

Wendy and I thanked the Fullbuster's for letting us stay with them. It was incredibly awkward. Silver hugged me and asked me to think about what he'd said. I nodded at him, still surprised that he'd said that he didn't dislike me. Gray told me he would text me later but after that dream I was having trouble looking at him and I could tell that he was confused by my behavior. Mika gave everyone hugs and sent us home with enough leftovers to last us about a week.

We piled into Gramps car and he took us home. On the way he informed us that we were all going to be going on a family vacation for a week. We would be leaving on Wednesday morning and we were not allowed to bring any electronic devices so he gave me the ultimatum me that I needed to get my homework done before we left. I think he'd been planning to come inside but Laxus said he wasn't feeling well so Gramps took him back to their house instead.

I immediately headed to my room before Zeref could say anything. To his credit he decided to give me some space although I could see in his face that he was hurt by my silence. Wendy followed Zeref around like a lost puppy. He finally told her that he was tired and wanted to go to bed as the day had taken its toll on him. I'm guessing he wanted some time to himself. I could hear her asking him to let her sleep in his room but he wasn't having it. She made her way into my room ten minutes later already in her pajamas and climbed into my bed. She was asleep instantly, I'm sure she was exhausted from all the crying she had done earlier. I watched her for awhile trying to absorb that in a few months time we would be the last remaining evidence that Mavis and Igneel Dragneel had once existed on this Earth and loved each other. I missed them both so goddamn much.

I needed to get my shit together so I could take care of Wendy. I couldn't fail her again. She was falling apart and this time it was my job to keep her together. There was no one else left to do that. I wasn't sure how I was going to manage it when I couldn't even keep myself together.

I watched her sleep, watched her chest rise and fall with her breaths. I could feel my anger surging and it took all of my willpower to keep from destroying something so as not to wake her. Why the hell was this happening to us again? What had we ever done to deserve all this? What had Zeref ever done? Sure, I liked to fight with him but that was only because I knew he could take it and dish it back just as good. I loved him, it wasn't fair.

I thought about how I had behaved since our father had died and I remembered something Silver had said to me with dread.

"I was angry at the choices you were making and at how those choices were affecting others around you."

Did he mean I had made Zeref worse? Had Zeref worried so much about me that he had made his condition worse? Was Zeref dying because of what I did? I began to drown in self-hatred. I tried to tell myself that Silver had said that Zeref had always been sick and it could not have been my fault but once I had gotten that thought into my head it took hold and would not let go of me. I started to feel sick again and I headed to the bathroom before I could be sick in my room.

I passed Zeref's room and the sounds I heard coming from it made me freeze. Zeref was crying. I put my hand on his door, my sickness abated for the moment and I moved to open it but then I realized he would never want me to see him like that. Zeref had always been a private person, although I wonder now how much of that was him hiding his illness from us. I let myself fall to the floor quietly and decided to stay outside the door until he was done. I didn't want him to be alone. As I waited for him to finish, I promised myself that I would not waste anymore of the time we had left. I would be better, I would be everything he ever wanted me to be. I made so many promises to myself that night, I only hoped I would able to keep some of them. When I heard his snores I got up and got ready for bed. It was still early but we were all exhausted. I went back to my room to find a text message from Gray on my phone.