Sex in Sochi

Beach Volleyball

   “Welcome back to ‘Sex in Sochi’! I’m Abel Cannoway…”

   “And I’m Alexandra Belli.”

   “And we’re here to bring you a look at this year’s Beach Volleyball teams.”

   “That’s right. We’ll be showing you the top ten teams of the Sex Olympics in just a few minutes.”

   “But first, here’s a recap of the rules for anyone who may be unfamiliar.” Abel waved his arm to a set of slides.

   Alexandra walked up to the slides. She began to point at the technical terms, but stopped abruptly. “The rules are simple, really. If you’ve ever seen the Summer Olympics event, you already know them!” She tossed the rest of the rules aside.

   Abel came back to the pair of cameras. “That’s correct. Just as Alexandra said, the official committee of the Sex Olympics decided the skimpy outfits, camel-toe weggies, and beautiful bodies already had all the sexiness needed for these games.”

   Alexandra joined his side. “So without further to do, here’s the real reason you all tuned in for the event. Here are our top ten hottest Olympics women’s Beach Volleyball pairs!”

   Barry quickly swiveled the camera to show the team while Hodor stayed on Abel. “At number ten, we have the Brazilian pair Larissa Silva and Christiana Rona. The two have competed together for almost eight years and have done quite well. They hope to repeat their success here in Sochi.”

   Hodor and Barry switched jobs with Barry shooting Alexandra and Hodor going for the next pair. “Number nine is the American pair Ashley Pika-Trainer and Jenny Keller-Marsh. They are currently ranked number one in the world, so they’ll be looking to defend their title here.”

   They switched again. “At number eight, it’s the quite adorable Venus Maria and Greta Minelli of Italy. They’ve not had quite as much experience together as some of the other teams, but they may yet surprise us.”

   “Number seven is the Czech Republic duo Silvi Vilicova and Katerina Mirikova. Expect these hot ladies to come out with weapons blazing and breasts threatening to slip out.”

   “Number six brings us to Lisa von Beethoven and Sara Meuller of Germany. They lost to the Brazilians last time, but they are ready for another fight. If nothing else, they’ve won the beauty contest agianst their rivals.”

   “Number five is also Germany with Elsa Himmler and Kirsten Hardwick, making Germany one of the hottest countries for Beach Volleyball!”

   “At number four comes Australia’s Leslie Farmer and Eloisa Minchin. Disregarding any of their skills in volleyball, these girls love to have their pictures taken… while running away from the camera!” Abel chuckled at the end.

   “Third place goes to the Russian team of Elizaveta Markova and Olivera Closkumov. Tongue twisting names, but these two will actually make you want to twist your tongues!”

   “Second place comes in the form of the other American team. May Marshalls and Angelina Ken may not be the favorites to win, but they are definitely in the running for the favorites to watch this time around.”

   “And that brings us to our hottest Beach Volleyball pair of this year’s Sex Olympics, here in Sochi! It’s really no surprise that they are from Brazil, either! Donna Bartelli and Rachella Tia are so sexy that I’d make them my first lesbian experience if I hadn’t already had sex with so many women before now! They are pure knockouts, and there’s just no way around it. Marry me, Rachella!” Alexandra jumped and waved and shrieked at the Brazilian player.

   Abel ignored her and continued, “There you have it, folks. If you think we missed anyone, let us know and be sure to stay tuned to watch these girls play!”