Sex in Sochi

Trampoline

    Alexandra Belli gulped down a bottle of mineral water and threw the empty container into the nearest bin. "Always stay hydrated, Barry," she said to her cameraman. "That's something I learned very early in my career behind the screen."

    Barry Cummins smirked. Mental images of his co-worker's many pornographic performances flitted into his head. He led her to the floor near the contestants benches where they set up for a full coverage of the event.

    Alexandra eyed the arena and cleared her throat, satisfied that Abel Cannoway was nowhere to be seen. "How much time do we have?"

    "Twenty minutes until the first contestant does his routine."

    Alexandra nodded and poured through her notes again. Trampoline was a sport she had always loved watching at the Summer Olympics, but this was the Sex Olympics, and the event had a few changes that hearkened back to the days of Hellenic times. She had to ensure that she remembered all the details and made it a point to underline and highlight the paragraph that explained how the early practitioners of the sport performed in the buff.

    "Did you know that trampolining is thought to have originated with the Eskimos?" a cool, confident voice spoke in Alexandra's ear.

    "Really? I didn't hear-" she stopped abruptly. She realized who had spoken the words, and looked up at Barry who shrugged. "Damn it, Abel, when did you get here?"

    "You're set up in my spot," the Pulitzer Prize-winning author said. He raised his eyebrows and waved her away with a lazy hand. "Hodor, hurry it up. I want to do a quick on-cam rehearsal before we go live."

    Alexandra huffed but conceded. The studio heads had given Abel the lead on all the events for the hard-hitting stories. She'd only been hired for her sex appeal and controversial affair with one of the American Beach Volleyball players. She followed Barry to the other end of the arena and vowed to find a way to get back at the jerk. They set up just in time for the event to begin. Barry silently counted her in.

    "Welcome back to the amazing Sex Olympics! You're watching 'Sex in Sochi.' I'm Alexandra Belli, and I'll be your guide to the trampoline event. First things first. For anyone new to the sport, there are three basic positions you should know. No, not those kinds of positions." She added a wink. "Tucked, piked, and straight. Each contestant will do a variation of each of these moves landing on either their legs, front, or butt while mixing in dazzling flips and twists and turns - of course all in the nude. A third of the way into the routine, they will expertly switch places with their partner on the sidelines, who will also perform for a third of the full time. For the final leg of the routine both contestants will work together in a synchronized set of maneuvers. Lets watch the first team!" She turned to face the trampoline, and Barry focused his camera onto the man beginning his jumps.

    The Thai contestant had his country's flag painted across his chest, and his pubic hairs were dyed to match. The whistle started his routine, and he quickly reached heights as high as thirty feet in the air. Somersaults and backflips were his focus, but just before the tag out, he added a triple flip that got the crowd roaring on its feet. His partner was a flat-chested girl, which Alexandra was pleased to point out in a backhanded compliment. "She's lucky to be so small. Those frontal landings could do a number on more bigger girls."

    The Thai girl quickly finished off her own section and the man rejoined her. They performed flips in perfect sync to each other, floating in the air for seconds as a time. With each jump came "oohs" and "ahhs" from the audience, and in the grand finale, the contestants grabbed each other in the air and joined together in a full-on coital position. They managed five pumps before landing and finishing their routine.

    "Five! Five whole pumps with a clean landing! That's a new world record, ladies and gentleman," Alexandra turned back to the camera. "And this is just the first team of the first round. This is definitely going to be a very exciting event, but a quick word from our sponsors!"

    Barry waved her out, and she exhaled a long sigh. "I think that went well. I can't believe they broke a record so soon! I didn't read up on that shit yet!"

    "You got two minutes to figure it out." Barry held out the notes for her.

    Alexandra grabbed the stack of papers and quickly flipped through. She scanned the most relevant sections and crammed as much information as she could before her time ran out.

    There was a loud horn and a huge gasp from the audience before the commercial break ended. Alexandra stopped cramming, but she didn't know what had just happened. Barry gave her a confused look, and they walked closer to the judges table.

    There was a heated debate going on between the Thai coach and the main judge. The Sex Olympics chairman was being called down, and things looked like they might get violent.

    "Hurry, turn on the camera!"

    Barry flipped the switch, and they were back on live.

    "Breaking news, people! Turns out there's some controversy with the the Thai team. The judges have disqualified them because the girl on the team was really a man! He'd tucked his penis into the mess of pubic hair and had layered a massive amount of makeup to appear more feminine."

    Alexandra leaned in to hear more from the table now that the chairman of the games had come.

    "The Thai team is now claiming that their contestant really is a girl but had a birth defect that just looks like a penis. The chairman seems to be considering the argument. He's saying that the team will not be disqualified! I repeat. The team from Thailand will not be disqualified! DNA and psychological testing will occur after the event is over, and if the judges are proven correct, the Thai team will forfeit any medals and records. What a thrilling turn of events!" Alexandra turned back to the camera. "It's no surprise why the Sex Olympics are now the premiere international games. The old Summer Olympics never had this level of competitiveness. Stay tuned for more after some words from our sponsors."