Sex in Sochi

Weights

    Mindy Hofferson sat with her entourage in her dressing room, ignoring their exciting gossiping about the show ahead. This was an event she truly had to prepare herself for. The Greco Roman Wrestling was easy. She'd been a fan of that event for years. She hadn't taken as strong an interest in weights, though, and was now looking over notes frantically, triple checking she had the rules down. She didn't have the experience Roman did. Mindy had been chosen as she'd been noticed for her work at MTV, leading to her being voted the sexiest host in the world by Playboy magazine. She was there to give people another excuse to tune in.

    She wanted to be more than that, though. Mindy took her job seriously, even if no one gave her the same courtesy, and she wanted to go on to more. Reporting on war, natural disasters and political events; this was what Mindy was aiming for and she wanted to get there off the merit of her brain and not her legs, although she had to concede that they were indeed amazing. A knock on the door telling her it was time brought her back from these things. Mindy's hand was shaking. Her sister noticed and clasped it in both of hers, giving a look of solidarity. This was what Mindy needed and she went to join Roman feeling much more confident.

    She nodded stiffly. "You want to go over anything one last time?" he asked. Mindy didn't know if he was sincere. So few people were in this business and she didn't want to risk anything now and so shook her head. Roman didn't press the issue, just shook his head and returned to his own little world. Soon the countdown to begin was sounding and both Mindy and Roman were looking directly into their camera.

    "Welcome to Sex in Sochi!" Mindy said with enthusiasm.

    "We're with you yet again as the Sex Olympics rolls on," Roman put in, "bringing you the best of the action." They paused so the opening credits could play. Both anchors had a sense of purpose now. Nervousness would have to wait. They were at work and nothing else was important.

    "Today we bring you the weights," Mindy chimed.

    "Yes the event of the Costa Ricans!" Roman said with seriousness. "Or so we thought. Nobody predicted what would happen."

    "Except for one man actually, Roman!" Mindy said, laughing lightly. "A proud and loyal Canadian who won five hundred thousand dollars for his faith in his country's athletes."

    "As a fellow Canadian, I salute him!" Roman added. "Now, to the rules of the male gender event," he continued, heading over to a screen. The names of the athletes, their national flags and penis length were displayed. "Once erect, these athletes must tie a fifty kilogram weight to their shafts. The first one to drag it across the finish line, wins. We've got Senavi Sivolito of Italy with us, the winner of gold in Beijing." Mindy gave the athlete a look over. He was handsome as everyone said. It was such a shame that he was just as well known by his nickname of The Eunuch. Apparently the nerves in his penis were so damaged from competing that he could not get hard. "Even with your experience, could you predict what was going to happen?"

    Senavi sighed. "It just had to be didn't it? With all the tensions going on, this just had to happen. No one saw it coming. It was inconceivable that the Costa Ricans would lose and yet here we are, discussing how they did and that it was the Canadians that beat them. Of all the nations it could have been!"

    "Let us get the replays ready for you!" Mindy said on cue, "while we head to break. We'll be back with in depth analysis of what was the biggest shock of the Games so far."

    "So," Senavi said, raising an eyebrow to Mindy, "how are you?"

    "Busy," she snapped back, retreating to a corner and looking over her notes.

    Roman sat beside her. "At least be nice to Mr Floppiti," he said sternly, mocking an Italian accent.

    Mindy tried not to laugh. Sevani was sitting at the desk with his head in his hands looking bored. "He's a complete sleaze and I have more important things to do than humour him."

    "Then bat him off more politely," Roman advised. "I'm sure you've had plenty of practice at it over the years."

    He walked off, leaving Mindy suspicious. She was too suspicious to believe Roman was genuinely helping her and yet a part of her wanted to believe.

                                    ***

    "And you see here!" Senavi said with passion, pointing to the penis on the screen, a weight attached to it. "This guy is ready! Looking at it now it seems silly he won't win. He and his entire Canadian manliness seems assured that he will and is standing to attention in anticipation."