Sex in Sochi

Greco Roman Wrestling

    Roman Kerensky looked at his teeth in the mirror to make sure not a bite of his light supper had taken residency in them and checked to make sure his neatly trimmed beard was perfectly symmetrical. Of course it was. His hand was as steady as a surgeons... usually. He'd presented war coverage of Korea, The Balkans, Iraq, Afghanistan, and Syria. And yet he was nervous. War coverage was one thing. Hosting the flagship show documenting the Sex Olympics was something entirely different. There was a knock on the door. "Ten minutes," an intern called from the other side. Roman muttered back a firm reply and looked up into the mirror again, readying himself.

    "This is it. This is the one. It'll make me a star. Everyone will want me." With this, Roman smoothed his suit and left his dressing room. He felt like royalty. Everyone looked at him as he passed, walking with a swagger. On his way Roman saw the poor guy that had to cover the former summer Olympics. Roman smiled pleasantly. Really he wanted to hug the guy and tell him it was all going to be fine in the end. Perhaps he'd reach the heights Roman had.

    Roman's busty co-anchor was already in place, in a revealing dress that showed off every curve. He could tell she was as nervous. "Mindy," he said coolly, taking his seat and allowing the last touches of makeup to be applied.

    She acknowledged him with no more than a nod, so focused. Roman asked for a cloth to help with the sweat. A mixture of studio lights and pressure was getting to him. Mindy made the same request. They both shuffled paper and waited for the countdown.

    "Five... Four... Three... Two... One..."

    "Hello and welcome to Sex in Sochi!" Roman said with his shiniest, most polite smile.

    Mindy took over. "We've got the highlights of the day's action from the second day of the Sex Olympics, hosted in Sochi, Russia."

    Naturally, and as they'd rehearsed, Roman turned to the camera at his right, a charming smile on his face. "Today was Greco Roman Wrestling. Now for those who don't know... this event is the same as normal Greco Roman Wrestling. Only difference... the loser takes a dick to the ass just as the Greeks and Romans would've wanted."

    Mindy gracefully slid her chair across to the end of the table to join a smiling man who was the human definition of orange. It was an impressive colour.

    "Serge Sviden," Mindy said politely. "You're a three time gold winner and dick giver. Watching must've brought back memories?"

    "Yes, yes it does," Serge said, nodding politely at the smattering of applause that started around the studio for the legendary athlete. "You 'ave not an idea how good it feels ven you 'ave your 'pponent bent over in front of you, taking it, taking it deep!" Many around the studio nodded, others laughed, a few cheered.

    Mindy laughed lightly. "I'm sorry Serge that our studio is so loud. We aren't usually joined by such an esteemed person." Mindy led Serge over to another screen now where the footage of the event was ready to be played. It had been paused on two naked, muscular, charging men just about to connect and begin the fight. Their national flags were painted on their backs, one from France, one from China. Mindy called for the video to be played. "Serge talk us through it."

    "Ah yes you can tell they are nervous! Sweating like two prostitutes at confession." The men connected. The sound was like two charging buffaloes. "They are so even! At this point it is difficult to tell which one will be bending over later." Serge stopped talking to let the cheering crowd in the video be heard and seemed to be reminiscing. "but as you see here the Chinese contestant's foot is giving way, poor placing on his part. That is all it takes, one mistake and then you're getting shafted, both figuratively and literally."

    The video stopped playing as the victor was called and Mindy announced they were going to a commercial break. "You've got three minutes!" an intern called. Roman made his way across the studio and took his place on a bright orange chair opposite a longer one. Serge sat opposite him next to two older men in suits. Great heroes, all three, legends of the Greco Roman Wrestling event and givers of many shafts.

    "And we're back!" Roman said enthusiastically, flashing his pearly whites at the camera before turning to the three opposite him. "Brad Jones, you competed in the second Sex Olympics for none other than this great country America. You've voiced over many more. We're through day two. How do you feel this year is shaping up?"

    Brad smiled at the acknowledgement. "These athletes know they are in something special. The Sex Olympics were so much smaller when I was competing. They were held in February. Such a small stage. Had its advantages of course. You were sometimes allowed to skip the shafting if the winner couldn't get his hard. You were hoping for a freezing day. But the athletes now compete on a larger stage. I'd take a dick if it meant getting to show off my talents in front of the world."

    A slightly younger man nodded in agreement. "The President never wished me luck. Only my trainer did. Not like with Serge. He got to dine with the President after getting gold."

    Serge laughed. "Yes, what a day. I felt as powerful as him walking through the doors."

    Roman looked at the camera. "What a day! What a time! The Sex Olympics are in full flow now and Mindy and I will be with you every step of the way. From us at Sex in Sochi, good luck to tomorrow's competitors and goodnight!"