Forbidden (One Direction)

Crazy Decisions and Unspoken Goodbyes

Zayn P.O.V.

I was too stunned to say anything. After hearing to Niall break down, I feel so small. This guy has been through so much and is still wearing a damn smile on his face. My pain and suffering seems to be so puny, so little in front of his. After listening to him I realized that ending my life wouldn't be the solution. People will always think that I was a coward who couldn't stand the hate and always feared being judged. But what is the point of living when you feel like you're the reason to every single problem that you're best friends are battling. It feels so fuckin' devastating, that I am the hurdle that is stopping the lads from being successful. I am the barrier between the success, that they are gonna achieve.

And the sad part is I can't share anything with the lads cause I know what they will say, that I am not what I'm thinking, without me there is no one direction, but I know that it's not true! I am so useless and so selfish, separating the lads and the success to which they are capable for.

"I have to leave now. There is no other option. I have to ..... I have to....." I muttered

Thinking this I ran to my room, ignoring Niall who was presently lost in a thought and didn't seem to notice me, and started thinking of how to escape without being caught.

Niall's P.O.V

I sat there totally shunned, Zayn was being bullied since what it seems to be like forever. How could I be so blind? All this time when Zayn was so mysterious, I thought he was shy. But I think now, all this time he was so devastated by all this hate which resulted in him being so lost and quiet I felt so selfish and guilty 'cause he was the one who was about to slit his nerves and I was the one who exploded on him with my "problems".

My chain of thought was broken when I heard Zayn saying "I have to leave now. There is no other option. I have to ..... I have to...." And saying this he stormed out of the room.

I was confused, numb and guilty. at that moment with my thoughts that I didn't even bothered run after him. I just sat there and started sobbing again.

How could I be so dumb? How could I be so selfish? Just for all this fame and money I am making, I can't keep the boys from the success that they deserve. One direction will be better off without me, fans will be better off without me.... Wait. What fans? All I have is haters.

I have to leave the boys.... I have to... because it's for the best. I have to. I stormed off to my room and started packing my things up.

Zayn's P.O.V

It was now midnight and I assumed everyone will be asleep. I have packed everything that belonged to me. I was actually surprised that even though I was on a tour I had 4 big suitcases which were mostly packed with my hair products. People will call me crazy as I was leaving everything behind and I had packed more hair products than my money and clothes. But hey? I am Zayn Malik, the one who is obsessed with his hair. But I was still planning that how could I possibly tell the boys that I am leaving. I wouldn't dare to tell them through a video, I don't want them to see me while I will be sobbing like an infant. So no video message. Then I thought of calling them or leaving a voice mail but apparently I couldn't find my recorder. Since none of my ideas seem to work I thought they were smart enough to figure that I was gone. While leaving the room I saw a notebook and pen and that gave me an idea. I would write a letter. I grabbed them and started to write.

"Vas happenin' boys?" I chuckled to myself while writing it, this letter is supposed to serious but here I am saying "vas happenin'?"

I kept on writing telling them everything I had in my mind, why I was leaving; I practically poured my heart out. But I didn't mention my suicide attempt even though I know that was in vain as Niall knew about it, but still I ignored it. I realized that I was literally sobbing, most of the paper was wet from tears and at places the ink was spilt but I really don't care. As I finished the letter I was feeling terrible. 'Cause I know my boys too well. I know they would probably blame themselves for me leaving. I don't want them to blame themselves. It was all my mistake. But I guess I can't help it. Thinking this I gathered my suitcases and went out. Cautiously I made sure that no one was out there. I moved out almost without making any noises but then accidently I dropped one of my bags down. Then I heard someone's footsteps. Uh oh! This can go very wrong!