Half the World Away

48

"Brad?" I asked, his little head popped up from the guitar case.

"Yep that's my name!" He cheered, getting up from the floor and his guitar tech, Slee, came running and saved the guitar from slamming against the floor. "Sorry, Slee." Brad apologised. Slee just nodded and got the guitar and started tuning it.

"Can we talk." I bit my lip, my eyes darted around the room, trying to avoid all eye contact with me because I really didn't want to have this conversation, right now. But the girls are right - this conversation had to be had.

"Yeah, sure let's go to our dressing room." He replied, grabbing his water bottle of the side of the table that the boys had set up to play table tennis. We walked there in silence, occasionally we would bump into some of the crew and Brad would say hi and they would have a bit conversation.

He opened a blue door, marked with The Vamps dressing room. Then, directed me over to the sofa in the middle of the room. We both sat on it cross legged and stared at each other in silence for a little bit.

"So what did you want to speak to me about?" He asked, pulling us out of our trance, we were just mesmerised.

"What are we?" I asked, wow Charlotte, straight the point as always, I thought to myself.

"What do you mean?" He tried to pretend like he didn't know what is was on about.

"What are we Brad, because I don't know myself and I see all these edits people make of us, the videos of us holding hands and they all use that song friends by Ed Sheeran and they're right." I rambled, barely even taking a breath.

"How?"

"We're not friends Brad." I whispered.

"We're best friends?" He tried to state yet it sounded like a question to me.

"No, we've never been friends, let's be honest here." I back chatted him.

"Okay." He gave in and pulled me across to him, into a hug.

"You see me and James are friends," I said into his chest and I felt him nod, "he doesn't love me like you do Brad."

"I know."

"Me and James, Connor or Tris even," I pause and pulled myself out of his arms, "we don't share a bed like we do."

"You're making us sound like we're friends with benefits." He tried to joke.

"But it's true," I told him and he nodded, "We're not that but at your mums and dads we share a bed."

"And they think it's weird." He paused again, "because we are not together anymore."

"Exactly," I sighed, "in the hotel as well, you immediately grabbed up the chance to sleep in the same bed as me."

"But Joe asked, it would've been rude to refuse." He tried to make an excuse, "but I'd never say no." I couldn't really hear the last bit because it was a noiseless whisper, but I gathered from the way his lips were moving. But I pretended I didn't hear it because the way he looked, it was in hope that I didn't.

"You kiss me."

"You kiss back."

"Exactly." I concluded.

"I don't kiss my other friends." He realised and I nodded.

"Do you remember what you told me, ages ago?" I asked. He shook his head.

"We have too much between us not to be friends." I reminded him.

"But Lottie, I hurt you."

"But Brad, I hurt you too." I thought about something and then I knew I needed to say it, "you haven't been able to go back to your house because of me."

"I don't care you're safe." He said, touching the edge of my hand. "I don't want to confuse you though."

"With what?" I asked.

"If I tell you it's going to hurt you." My eyes widen when he said that.

"You can't hurt me." I told him, I've been through to so much, that I've grown use to the pain, I deal with it everyday. The nightmares, the flashbacks, the sounds. Soldiers get PTSD from fighting a terrifying war, my war was an internal war that I was fighting by myself and every time I heard something that reminded me of my kidnapping or Tom I was back there, reliving every moment, every time I closed my eyes; I was there, like it was tattooed on the back of my eyelids.

"I still love you." He said.

"Brad how was that supposed to hurt me?" I asked.

"I don't know," he paused, "because I've been really sucky at showing it recently." He revealed.

"Brad, you don't have to show me I know." He looked at me.

"How?" He asked.

"Because I'm still in love with you Brad," I squeezed his hand affectionately, "I'm so in love, that I would go up on that stage and yell it for everyone to hear because I'm not scared anymore."

"What were you scared off?" He asked.

"Falling." I looked at his deep brown iris, "I didn't want to fall and get hurt again, but Brad I knew when I got to that Halloween party, you were the one."

"Same." He commented.

"I always knew you were the one even when I was with Tom, he didn't give me the feelings you gave me."

"What were those?"

"Love."

"How did you know you didn't feel it?"

"This is how." I pulled him in and we started kissing. Fireworks erupted in my stomach and my heart beat soared, if I was on a heart monitor Jesus, my heart rate would be flying of the monitor at this moment in time but, I know that this is what made me  happy. Brad is who made me the person I am today. We both pulled our heads away and Brad had a massive grin on his face.

"That's how I can tell none of my feelings went too." He said, his two dimples were perfectly on display. He pulled me in for a hug and we were sat there for a while just hugging until Joe came and told him it was time to go.

"Bye, I have a surprise for you." He said and ran away.

Erm, excuse me what?