i'm not the girl you want me to be.
but for you- anything.
i'll rip my hymen out and hand it to you.
along with my bursting heart, bursting with love for you, of course, ma cherie.
along with my brain because what good is a girl with one of those.
all you really need is a head, right?
make what you want of it. make me a woman.
or "take me"— said by a woman.
what do you want from me?
shh, don't talk, as you so often tell me before ripping me apart —
i'll tell you.
( you want )
the girl who's "down for anything."
down to fuck on the down low.
because the girl who doesn't talk is always the girl who moans the loudest.
oh, she screams.
she writhes and aches on your sheets which are stained by you and by you only, because she doesn't ask for pleasure, only penetration.
it is only then that she feels something is being taken from her but feminine screams of pain are no different from feminine screams of pleasure, yes?
and then she goes back to normal afterwards, forgetting that she felt anything at all. but. that's what you want right?
no different from a sex doll.
( you want )
the girl who you unfurl at your pace is cold and frigid but she will always have that fucking spot warmed up and ready for you like a honey bun you popped in the microwave.
oh, heavenly.
she will wake up with not an eyelash out of place, ready for batting, here for your bashing.
the girl who's not like other girls, only because she doesn't exist. you heard it right.
( you want )
this girl who is advertised in all the john green books and the manic pixie dream girl movies only exists in grown ass men's white, wet dreams tainted by pinks and lilacs and girly colors because she is only ever the divine feminine.
oh.
but when there is no warm hole for you to tuck yourself inside of, where will you go?
what happens when the writer gets writers block?
when the screenplay is too long?
when the funds are cut short?
when the executive producer is shunned for claims of sexual harassment?
when the lights turn back on, and the character you love is no longer on the screen?
when she fades to black, and when you can see they didn't edit that last clip right, and her dopey eyes and sweet smile is replaced by the slowly downturning corners of her lips into a frown?
not happy to listen to you weep and moan like usual.
when the theater is empty?
( you want )
when that girl is gone (girl.)
( you want )
she was never real.
the movie's over you fuck.
(if you've seen gone girl u clearly kno this was inspired by the cool girl monologue. fucking bad ass and seriously disturbing at once. not sure if i love amy dunne or if she is just a sociopath? haha)
