2/26/18
This is an open letter to my 5-year-old self.
Dear young DeLana, life's going to give you a run for your money kid. Now in kindergarten on the first day you meet your best friend Ellecia. She is your rock and always will be no matter what I promise, she will never leave you. She will always be the best thing to ever come in your life. You are truly blessed to have her don't ever forget that.
Around 8 years old you are going to realize what growing up too fast really means. I am warning you now your life is going to completely collapse in front of you at this young age. I'm so, so, so sorry you must go through this but, sadly it's life. I want you to know that it's okay to cry, it's okay to grieve, and it is okay to not be okay or be strong. You DO NOT have to be strong for mommy and daddy. If you keep all those feelings in it's going to hurt, you a lot later in life.
It's inevitable that you'll keep those feelings bottled up because that's who you are so, the grief won't really hit you until 7th grade. It's a new school, basically a new world but this is where everything gets so hard. No matter how hard this whole life thing gets just remember you make it through or else I wouldn't be writing this letter to you.
7th grade comes hard you try to hurt yourself and think so much about killing yourself you write a note. That note will be ripped up and burnt because you are stronger than that. This year was life changing you meet Jesus in 7th grade. Another warning you will be bullied for this but fuck them because Jesus literally has saved your life and you should be proud to have such an amazing relationship with him...please don't lose that.
Trust your gut when you don't trust someone. Be careful around Aunt Melody's new husband, he brings bad things with him. He eventually leaves because he is caught for his sins. Please be straight up with mom and Aunt Melody when they ask if he touched you DO NOT be afraid please it's for the best. I promise life gets better when you are honest.
Now Jump back to 4th grade. The first day of school you meet a cute little girl that goes by the name Morgan Cash. She is the other light of your life. She's your rock and you have limited time with her right now so please make the most of it even if you're the third wheel to her and Izzy. Moogan leaves in 5th grade but you will never leave her mind. You guys reunite in a couple years and become the best of friends 7 years and counting. You and she have been through a lot together but you always make it in the end.
Fake friends will toxify your life as you get older, just know they are not worth the tears. We all move on and things get better in the end I promise.
Just a few more things before I let you go on with your little life. Always be honest with mom and dad because they find out anyway when you are lying. Boys are stupid but, just keep in mind Clayton, Uncle Jeffery, and Aunt Lacy's friend John Kennedy's son; he's going to pop up in a very random time and mess your feelings up but, I think he's worth the fight and the waiting.
Now, little DeLana I know it's a lot to take in but, one last thing. Cancer. It's going to really ruin your life through the deaths of others. But, just know everyone loves you so much and you will make it through the toughest of times.
Just keep pushing on, work super hard in school, and dance your booty off you'll go far places with this advice. I love you, and you will learn to love yourself soon enough. Cherish every little moment you have with your grandparents they are on borrowed time as it is already. Don't be a brat, always be honest, and spread the light of Jesus. Never leave without saying I love you to everyone, and most importantly live life to the fullest. You'll do great things in life and I hope we are going to go far.
Please don't forget, that mistakes are meant to be made and to learn from them. Stay out of trouble little one I'll see you in 11 years when you are 16.
~With so much love and care your 16-year-old self - DeLana Jayde Crank
