During World War 2, the Nazi forces established a secret base deep within the mountains of Transylvania in order to perform terrifying experiments with forbidden technologies. The Allies needed to send one man to stop them, but who would it be? Jame...
The clock on the morgue wall counted out the seconds. There was no other sound in the room, except for the occasional whimper from a drawer. Over an hour passed this way, before anyone else entered the room.
"That was easy!" announced Friedrich as he entered the morgue.
Breaking into the hospital had indeed been incredibly easy. Dieter and Friedrich had circled the building, and found the only two viable entries to be the main entrance or the emergency entrance. They agreed on the main entrance and, even though it was crowded with people and staff, no one paid them the least attention. Patients or their friends and families had no reason to stop them, and staff members are only there to help people who ask (and usually not even them). Then the odds of running into a member of Hospital Security, let alone one who would recognize a serious threat or be willing to act on it, is just about zero.
"Wasn't there supposed to be a police guard or something?" Friedrich asked.
"Yeah, that's what the doc was told," Dieter replied. "Maybe he stepped out for a smoke or something. I'll stand watch at the door in case he comes back; you find the old lady."
Friedrich gave the room a quick scan. "There she is," he said, pointing to the body on the stainless steel table still extending from the open morgue drawer.
"Good, go get her," Dieter suggested.
"And do what with her?" Friedrich wanted to know.
Dieter looked around the room. "Put her in that wheelchair. We'll wheel her upstairs, and right out the front door. People will think she's asleep."
Friedrich picked up the body and placed it in the wheelchair. When he was done he asked, "So what should we do about the top of her head?"
Dieter looked over from his post at the door. "What about the top of her head?"
"It's still over there. On the table," Friedrich told him. "Should I just, I don't know? Set it on top?"
Dieter came over to see what Friedrich could possibly be talking about. "What the heck have you done?" he asked when he saw the mess.
"What, you don't think I did this do you?" asked Friedrich. "This is the way she was."
Dieter looked more closely at the body in the wheelchair. "She doesn't even have a brain in here!" he said, startled to see the empty skull. "Did it fall out when you moved her?"
Friedrich and Dieter spent some time searching the floor for the missing brain, without success.
"Look," said Friedrich. "We got the body. Let's just put the top on, and get it back to Pretorius."
"There is no way we're getting that out the front door without questions," Dieter told him, pointing at the topless woman in the wheelchair. "And the doc is pretty quickly going to realize, she doesn't have a brain! The only reason he wants her body is to get the brain!"
Friedrich pointed to the sink at the side of the room. "What about that? Is that a brain?" he wondered.
The two went over to look in the sink. They just stared for a long time.
"Whoever works here is a total slob," Friedrich finally said.
"So, I guess you should scoop up what you can, and give it to Pretorius," Dieter told him.
"There is no way I'm even touching that, and not a chance I'm giving it to the doc," Friedrich replied. "How do we even know it's her brain? That could be anyone's brain. Maybe her brain is in one of those drawers," he suggested.
"I guess it couldn't hurt to look," Dieter agreed, rather than stare at the sink any longer.
Friedrich and Dieter spent the next few minutes opening and closing the morgue drawers. Most were empty, revealing only a sliding stainless steel table.
"Hey look at this!" said Friedrich, pulling out a drawer to reveal officer Barbu, gagged and lying on his back with his hands cuffed around the table underneath him. "I think this is the missing guard."
"How can you tell?" asked Dieter from where he was searching on the other side of the room.
"Because someone wrote 'Missing Guard' on the door," Friedrich told him.
"Has he got a brain?" asked Dieter, bringing a distressed look to Barbu's eyes.
"I think so," said Friedrich. "But just his own. And he's still alive."
"Then stop messing around and keep looking!" Dieter said.
Friedrich closed the drawer and moved on, much to the dismay of Officer Barbu whose frantic cries, muffled by his gag, were completely silenced as the door was latched closed once more.
"Find anything?" asked Dieter.
"Just this one other body," Friedrich told him, holding open a drawer. He checked the toe tag. "Guy's name is Steve Frank. And hey, look at this!"
Dieter went over to see what Friedrich was so excited about. There was a shelf underneath the table, and on the shelf was Steve's brain, floating in a jar.
Dieter picked up the jar for a closer look. "Why do you think they removed this guy's brain?" he wondered.
Friedrich shrugged his shoulders. "Seems to be pretty standard procedure around here."
Dieter looked at the brain. "You know," he said. "This is the kind of brain I think I could really give to the doc."
Friedrich nodded. "Nice brain. All in one piece. This is the kind of brain the doc would really like," he had to agree.
"And you know," suggested Dieter, "there's no reason to believe this isn't even the old lady's brain. Maybe they got mixed up. This isn't the best run operation I've ever seen, after all."
"This is definitely her brain," Friedrich was relieved to agree. "So how do we get it out of here?"
Dieter looked at the body in the wheelchair, giving up on that approach. He thought for a while and then suggested, "What if we go into one of the rooms upstairs and steal a bouquet of flowers? We put them in the jar and then people will think it's just a big vase!"
"Okay, let's do it."
Friedrich held the door, Dieter carried the brain in the jar, and together they returned to the elevator.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A/N: Okay, so Dieter and Friedrich started out pretty sinister, but they've really turned into a couple of bumbling stooges. In fact you should go back and re-read that last section, only instead of two German henchmen, substitute the voices of Moe and Curly for Dieter and Friedrich! You can imagine that Larry is in the next room fixing the plumbing if you feel a need "^_^"
