Hold My Hand [boyxboy]

16:We Were Lovers For The First Time

Thomas's p.o.v.
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I ran frantically towards the edge. His hands were clutching the grubby ground tightly, but his small hands were barely getting a grip.

One of his legs struggled to steady itself on one of the protruding rocks of the cliff.

"Take my hand" I yelled out of breath.

A few small stones dodged down and hit the water, rising the bile up to my throat.

Panic was eating me away. Time seemed to slow around us. It was like we were a separate entity in the universe.

I couldn't lose Raiden too. I had already known losses before and Raiden was the only thing keeping me grounded. I knew I was being selfish and only thinking of myself, but no one was getting it: Raiden was myself.

I loved him. And I didn't know that I loved him.

For one thing, I didn't know that I could have feelings for a guy, so that was new to me. For all I knew I was straight right? Right. But anyway sexualities are all over the place with all people whether they admit it or not. Everyone passes through a sexuality doubt thought at least once in their life.

However, I had always known that I had something for that guy who sits alone at that table in the cafeteria.

That guy who was a total replica of my teammate, yet was a totally different person.

That guy who usually sneaks
out of the cafeteria to a secluded area in the school library. The guy who never ate enough. The guy with dark circles around his eyes and scars up his arms.

The guy I love.

But I couldn't act on it.

I was still grieving over a loss that I once
thought was irreplaceable in my heart, then I learnt that just like the mind, the heart too can hold different spots for different people.

But now I can't lose him.
I just can't.
I would jump after him if I had to.

He took my hands and held them tightly. In that split of a second I felt life come back to me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to" he said as a couple of stones fell from under his foot, weighing him down more, his weight heavier on my arms.

"Don't worry about it now, just don't you dare let go" said, trying to pull him up as careful as possible

"I can't hold on anymore just let me go" he cried "I'll just drag you down with me" he started letting go of my hand but I grasped it tighter. I was probably crying too but I didn't even have time to think if I was or not.

"I would never let go of you. Keep holding my hand" and I meant it. I was never letting go.

I pulled him up with all my strength. Halfway through my knees buckled and his hands slipped put of mine.

I threw my body towards the ledge, and right before he went down, I caught him.

"Hold my hand" I said one last time as I lifted him again, drawing every inch of power inside of me.

"GET AWAY FROM THE LEDGE" I screamed after steadying him on
the ground.

I hugged him tightly, ignoring the fact that his whole body went stiff from the physical contact.

I knew he was a broken person, and for a period of time, l kept wondering if a broken soul could fix another broken one, but after getting to know him a little, l knew that only a broken person could fix another.

"I never thought l'd see you cry" he spoke after he calmed down a little, and thanked me for more than it was necessary.

We were still on the bare ground but closer to my car. I noticed him taking in my unusual form of attire, which looked like funeral material, but I didn't say anything.

He didn't miss the look of sorrow that took over my face as I recalled a distant memory of her. Grief.

"Did... Did someone die?" he asked hesitantly, scared to know the answer yet intrigued nonetheless. I remained silent, then turned slowly towards the cliff. I didn't know if I was remembering the past few minutes, or the past few years.

My hand was absent mindedly feeling the smooth petals of a flourish blue rose peering out of my shirt pocket.

I then shifted my gaze to his eyes. I was so lost in them for a while then my head limped down.

There's no death today, I thought.

"Not today," I finally spoke, avoiding his face. I couldn't bear the thought of looking for his face in the school cafeteria and not find it. "at least not today this year"

He didn't press any further when I stopped talking.

"Her name was Rose... She was my girlfriend, and above all, my best friend."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to" he said.

I shrugged "I need to tell you this" he was looking back at me again "I didn't think that this was when, or how, I tell you, but it seems like this is the time destiny found right" I was
full of emotions, fighting over themselves to take control of my features.

I proceeded to tell him about Rose, and all the things she meant to me. It made me think about how lucky anyone would be if they got a quarter of the feelings I had felt for her. I made him like the girl even though he didn't know her, and sadly nor he will.

"So every year, this day, I come here and throw her one of the roses we planted together. But then, a really frosty winter came and they wilted despite everything. But her favourite colour being blue, I got blue roses from Elliott. And this is the very first one" I was rambling and rolling the stem of the rose between my index and thumb.

"Then what are you waiting for?" a smile was forming slowly on his face, "don't let me hold you back any longer"

Something glinted in my mind. "Will you throw it with me?" I asked, still
twirling it from the stem.

He didn't think twice before saying yes.

We walked slowly and carefully to the ridge until we were in viewing distance of the river underneath; Rivertown's very own river.

I looked at him one last time, and decided to push my luck one more time. "Hold my
hand?"

He seemed to consider it for a second.

He slipped his hand in mine tentatively, nothing like the death grip I had on him when he was falling.

Each one of my fingers made its way into the partings of his, until our hands were intertwined together, tan on light skinned, a perfect image.

It descended gracefully until it reached the steadily flowing river, a contrast of blue on clear water.

I threw the rose.

We threw the rose.

To be continued...

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