Wednesday, November 19th
“Why are you getting upset with me? There is no reason for this! I do not have time for this Travis. I just need to work on my project. I have little under a month until it’s due, and I’m going to need all the time I can to finish it without the input of my partner.”
“If you had done what I had advised you to do in the beginning you wouldn’t be in this mess.”
I’ve had it. I’m so sick of his attitude towards this. Here I am, divulging all of the shit that’s happened, and as I suspected, he doesn’t care. He doesn’t want to be with me. I am useless, and I’m so tired of fighting.
But I won’t stop fighting, I’ll fight harder. “Travis, you wanna know something? I’m glad I did the exact opposite!”
“What do you mean?”
A smug smirk lights my face. Is that uncertainty I detect? Have I finally gotten the upper hand? “I enjoyed hanging out with him. Yea he flirted, but it was the teasing playful kind, not the ‘I want to sleep with you’ kind.” I sighed, wishing I wasn’t having this conversation with my boyfriend. We’ll probably break up because of this. “Which, might I add, is more than you ever did. It was way to fucking easy for you. There was no chase, no real interest. You just asked, and I agreed instantly.” I laughed at how absurd it all seemed to me now. “You know, I was so shocked that someone liked me romantically that I jumped at the chance.”
“Alexis…” He warned.
“I just wish that you could trust me.” I scoffed, “You know, if you had trusted me from the start we wouldn’t be in this situation. I wouldn’t be relying on another guy for flattery and attention.”
“Well, you haven’t been trustworthy ever since you moved. So I suppose my mistrust was justified.”
Really? That’s what you’re going with? “Travis, Honey, I trusted you long before and after you cheated on me with that slut! I have been yours wholly!” The tears started flowing as I remembered that night he had admitted to his infidelity. “I guess Sasuke was right! No one wants me! I am useless!”
I hung up the phone throwing my phone across the room. It smacked against the wall and shattered. I regretted my moment of heightened irrationality.
I am the bane of my own existence.
~~~~~
“Pick up Alexis.” I listened to her voicemail pick up and sighed, deciding not to leave a message. I looked out at the parking lot full of cars. “Oh well, we don’t need to work on our project this week I suppose. If she gives me any grief about it tomorrow then I’ll just go over after school.” Who am I kidding? She’s afraid to even speak to me. I turned to walk back into the bowling alley.
“Sasuke! Hey man, I thought you were going to be heading over to Alexis’.” Kiba beamed at me when I sat down at the table.
“She didn’t answer her phone. I’ll just go over tomorrow.” I watched glumly as Naruto threw the ball down the aisle.
Shikamaru was watching Naruto, so he wasn’t looking at me when he said, “Yea right dude. We all know you fucked up big time. I bet she’s too afraid, or pissed off, to even answer her phone.”
It’s as if he can read my mind. “And how, exactly, should I have handled it?” I asked snidely, feeling far too uncomfortable with this turn of events.
“You shouldn’t have made such a big deal out of it. Honestly, I don’t think she cared about what happened at your house. Then you went and broke ties with her, and it broke her. She was already unstable emotionally, from having to deal with Travis and his bullshit.” Shikamaru took a sip from his soda, “Then, after you broke her heart, you started harassing her. You went all weird and creepy on her. Like a possessive stalker.”
Naruto chimed in, “Treating her like shit.”
“Don’t forget the day after the game. When you called her useless. Dude, if you were broken up by your actions, I’m sure she’s devastated.” Kiba said knowingly.
“Yea? And how would you guys have me fix it? Go over there and beg and plead for her to forgive me?” I rolled my eyes at how insignificant it seemed.
Shikamaru shot me a dirty look, “Are you fucking stupid? Prove to her that it was all a mistake! Show her how you really feel! You ruined her. Have you seen her sulking around the hallways at school? If she wasn’t depressed before, she defentiely is now!”
“You know, Hinata was telling me the other day that Al isn’t peppy during practice anymore. She barely focuses, and it’s ruining her game.” Naruto confided. “She also says that if it wasn’t for Temari and TenTen the team wouldn’t have the winning streak they have now. And Al was on fire that first game too. It’s not like her.”
“Yea, Temari told me something like that too.” Shikamaru sighed, “Also, she says that Alexis has been heard saying over and over again, ‘Useless, I’m useless,’ at random moments. She’s in a daze man.”
I put my head on the table. How could I have been so blind, so stupid? I became just like her boyfriend, only worse. She thinks she’s useless because of me?
“Fix her!” I glanced up to see Kiba glaring at me. “You ruined her, now fix her.”
~~~~
It was 11 o’clock when I pulled up in front of her house. I barely noticed that there were no lights on. I walked quickly to the side door and turned the handle. I had already stepped in to the kitchen when it dawned on me that the door had been unlocked.
“Well that is extremely unsafe. You would think that with Nick being a cop security would be tighter.”
I then went around the downstairs making sure the rest of the doors were locked. I walked upstairs, pausing at her door. Should I go in? I mean, isn’t this kind of creepy? What if she’s asleep? What if she’s awake? I opened the door anyway, pausing in the threshold to give my eyes time to adjust.
She was curled up in a ball, with her knees pulled clear up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them, sleeping on top of her covers. She was still wearing her jeans from today. I noticed a pile of plastic and metal pieces sitting on her nightstand. Well that explains her phone…
I crossed over to her closet, opening it in hopes of finding a blanket to lay over her. When I found one, I clutched it tightly to my chest and stood over her, hoping not to wake her as I placed it as gently as I could over her sleeping form.
I quietly left, and drove the few blocks down the street to my house. I sat in my car for a few moments, trying to relax and clear my head. Clearing my head was futile, given the mature of the thoughts.
Did she have a fight with Travis again? I can’t believe things have gotten so out of control. She doesn’t deserve this. Any of this. Not Travis and his untrusting bullshit. And certainly not me. When did everything in her life become so dysfunctional?
