Simply and Utterly Yours

Chapter 5: To Discourage With Doubt

 Chapter 5: Discourage With Doubt

Parenting is probably one of the hardest jobs, ever. I guess that''s why so many people fail it. I could probably never be a parent. Having another life in my hands, just does not seem like a good combination for me. I can barely keep myself together, let alone, another person. Parenting, however, is probably one of the most rewarding jobs, I would hope. You helped the person become who they are. Shouldn't you take pride in that? But that's why some kids are brats, because they have prideful parents.

The couple of days passed the same way. A couple of stares from people and a locker shove and tripping to start off and end the day. But nobody really said anything. It was almost like everyone was waiting for something, though I had no clue what.

What preoccupied my mind was talking to Jack about our relationship.

He always kisses me goodbye, sometimes good morning, or as a surprise throughout the day. Chaste ones that somehow make me feel reassured. We aren't moving too fast. We're just fine. If anything, we're taking it slow. But doubt plagued me and when I woke up ready to go to hell, I just knew that we needed to talk about it. I felt it in my heart and mind that we needed to get to know each other. We were being careless in this town. What came first should be us and our safety.

I texted him to divert from our usual plan and just have him pick me up that morning. He pulled up a couple minutes later and I walked down the steps. I was burrowed in my thoughts. Trying to get my points together to say. Trying to show him that this was the best idea.

I was so into my thoughts and prepping my presentation that I hadn't realized we were at school and Jack was staring at me. I looked up and met his eyes, taking a mental deep breath, I said, “I think we should talk.” Instantly I could see that his whole demeanor changed. He stiffened and looked to be preparing himself for something.

“Please don't tell me that we should break up.” It was so quiet and filled with despair. I gaped and then quickly shook my head.

“No. That isn't... No.” He let out a breath and smiled.

“Oh. That's good. I mean I really like you and you're just amazing and uhh... I know I haven't known you for very long but I just like you.”

I smiled. “I like you, too.”

“So, what did you want to talk about?” His voice was curious and he looked sort of concerned.

I took a deep calming breath and said, “We haven't known each other for very long and I like you, but I feel that we should get to know each other better, before trying to jump into anything we have no clue about.” I said all this and finally looked into his eyes.

He wasn't angry. He wasn't elated. But he looked to be thinking and, maybe, understanding. “Yeah, you're right. We should get to know each other. Go on dates. Before jumping into anything.” He threw me a reassuring smile.

I smiled back and I didn't feel that doubt in the pit of my stomach, anymore.

School went as usual, but this time Jack wasn't daring. He hugged me and held my hand. But he didn't give me chaste kisses in front of people. He sent me glances and shoulder touches. We passed notes, like middle schoolers, and I felt the dragonflies battling like it was World War III.

Then my day decided that I couldn't be happy.

It was in my History class. I felt something hit the back of my head. I looked down. A single crumpled up piece of paper. I stared at it for a couple of minutes. I knew where it had come from. I glanced back and spotted Kris Green. Senior, muscled, not too bright but a genius at intimidation, gives Freshmen swirlies daily and brags about pushing Sophomores into port-a-potties or throwing the weak ones into dumpsters. He did the brunt work of the group. I picked up the paper, knowing that I shouldn't have even looked at it.