Into the Fire

18 and Life

I lay in bed just staring at the ceiling, tears rushing from my eyes, onto my pillow. I didn't get any sleep, I just spent the rest of the night Ben and I got back laying in bed, my thoughts wouldn't let me sleep.

Suddenly my alarm clock blares, startling me. I hit the alarm clock, shutting it off. I don't think I can go to school today. I can't face Ben.

I feel my phone vibrate, it hasn't stopped since I got home. I didn't bother checking it, I don't want to talk to anyone.

I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in," I wipe my eyes, sitting up.

"Hun you have school today," My dad comes in.

"I know, I'll get ready in a bit," I sniff, trying to make it seem like I wasn't crying.

"Are you okay?" He asks, walking in and sitting on the corner of my bed.

"No," I feel the tears pour from my eyes.

I crawl over to my dad and cry in his arms, the way I used to when I got hurt like a cut or scrape. But this is different, he could heal the cut or scrape by putting a bandage on it, but it's my heart that's broken, how can he put a bandage on my heart to heal it?

He doesn't ask or say anything to me, he knows that I just need to cry it out. Cry my anger, frustration, sadness, despair, away.

"Shhhh honey it's okay," My father coos.

"No it's not," I sob.

"Would you like to talk about what happened?" He pulls my face from his chest, wiping my tears.

I think, do I want my father to just hate Ben all over again? After all it took for my father to finally like Ben, I don't want that to go to waste, I don't want him to hate Ben.

"Not yet," I tell him, hiccuping.

"Alright sweetie, well how about I let you stay home for today, get some rest it looks like you haven't slept at all since you got back,"

"Okay," I sniff.

"Alright," He kisses my forehead.

He gets up and walks out of my room, closing the door behind him.

I look at my phone.

Ben; Baby please talk to me

Ben; There is no excuse for what I did to you, I can't even begin to express the sorrow I feel for hurting you in such a way

Ben; Please when you get these, or when you look at these call me

Ben; I can't sleep just knowing what I did to you, I can't imagine what you're feeling, but I promise you, if you'll just talk to me I can make this right

Ben; I'll stop talking to every female friend I have if you'll just talk to me

Ben; I want to make it up to you, I'm not leaving things this way

Ben; I love you

Ben; Please know I never lied to you when I said those words to you

I just sniff and throw my phone on my bed and lay down, trying to get some sleep.

I wake up to a phone call, I sigh and just answer it, not bothering to look at who it is.

"Hello," My voice cracked.

"R-Roni you picked up," I hear his voice. I don't say anything. It's quiet for a good minute or so.

"Why didn't you come to school today?" he breaks the silence.

"Why did you call Ben?" I snap, not wanting to talk to him.

"I just wanted to see how you are,"

"Oh see how I am after you cheated on me again? Ben I'm just doing great," I tell him with spit and hang up because I was getting angry and I refuse to let him hear me cry.

I feel my phone go off again. I look to see a text.

Ben; Please talk to me

I just scoff because of unbelievable stupid he's being, if I won't answer his texts, and if I just hang up on him, then why would I voluntarily talk to him?

But fuck I miss him. I miss him so damn much, I would give anything to go back to the day it all happened so I didn't go to the hair and nails place so Ben wouldn't have had the chance to cheat on me again.

But then again I don't, because now I know that Ben would do it again, no matter how much he promised he wouldn't do it again, he still did.

No matter how much Ben told me he supposedly loves me, he still proved to me he didn't.

No matter how much Ben told me that he wouldn't hurt me.. He broke my heart, broke me.

I want to forgive him, fuck I really do. But this time? I don't think I can.. He broke my trust.