Into the Fire

Believe

I'm so stupid. I just realized that I do love him. I shouldn't have told him that I don't.

He had made me feel so many emotions, good emotions, and made great memories with me, it's hard to not love him. He is so perfect in my eyes, he cares for me, he makes me feel beautiful.

There's always this bubbly feeling inside of me whenever we hang out, or whenever he kisses me. I feel so safe and secure in his arms.

He makes me feel at home.

I guess I was so in shock when he blurted out those three words to me, that I didn't think I love him.

But I do. I truly do.

It's been a few days, and Ben has barely said any words to me. But going that few days without talking to him really gave me some time to think. Really made me miss him.

We went a week without talking, just seeing each other around school, I really need to hear his voice. It's the weekend so hopefully he's home.

I get dressed and take a deep breath, looking in the mirror.

I've never said the three words to someone other than my parents before. Though I've never felt love with any other guy but Ben. He's my first love.

Okay, okay, you're over thinking all of this. You're gonna be okay, he's going to be happy that you feel the same way as he does.

I leave my house and walk over to his house. I knock on the front door and step back. The door opens and reveals Ben's mom.

"Hi Veronica!" She greets, hugging me.

"Hey!" I smile, "is Ben here?"

"Yes! He's just upstairs in his room," She smiles at me.

"Thank you," I take my shoes off and head upstairs.

I hear noises coming from his bedroom. I furrow my brows, what could that be?

I open his door to see something that made my world stop.

"Roni! Oh my fuck I-I," Ben stutters and runs around his room trying to find his boxers.

He slips them on and stares between me and the fake barbie bitch.

The bitch grabs her clothes and goes over to Ben, kissing his cheek.

"Bye Ben," She seductively speaks, "sorry hun, he was probably getting bored with you," she smirks at me.

I feel the tears rolls down my face, I don't know what to say.

"Roni, I-" Ben begins.

"I was coming over to apologize for not saying I love you back to you! I'm so stupid! Why would I apologize to you for something I wasn't ready to feel?! A-And I come over here to tell you that I love you a-and you're over here fucking some other girl?!" I try to keep my cool, but feeling more and more tears fall down my face.

"Babe I-I'm so sorry! I was just upset that you didn't say you love me back! And I needed something to take the anger out! But it meant nothing!" Ben rushes out frantically.

"That's your excuse for cheating on me?! Ben you could've gone to the community centre to punch the heavy bag or worked out!! But instead you resort to cheating on me?! Ben you fucking—I can't believe you, I can't believe I was going to tell you that I love you! Can't believe I was going to apologize!" I shout, unbelievable.

"Roni I'm so sorry I didn't mean to, I don't know what I was thinking! It won't happen again! I love you! And you love me! Please forgive me!" Ben walks up to me, taking my hand in his.

I take my hand back from his and just stare into his eyes. I turn around and leave, ignoring his shouting for me to wait. I can't face him right now. I just can't believe he'd sleep with someone just because I was confused about my feelings.

I run home and climb into my bed, crying. I scream into a pillow in frustration and anger. I lay there numb after a while. I just, don't know what to think right now. I grab my moms sleeping pills and take one pill. I lay in bed and fall asleep, hopefully when I wake up, I'll feel a bit better, but most likely not.