CUBBY LOVE - MANxMAN

Chapitre Six

COOPER

It’s been two weeks since I last saw Jer.

The rule that I followed wholeheartedly due my lack of social expertise: never bother someone until that person wanted to be bothered or bother you first. You might be classified as a complete desperado if you fail to follow that simple rule.

I only gave him my number after we met that day in McDonald’s. The lip lock that we shared was wonderfully blissful that it is already ingrained in my mind for the following week but after the second week started without him calling me, I figured that it was just an absolute fascination from my side. I adore someone who won’t really adore me back. He’s just being nice and cordial, that was all and I expected more, how silly had I been?

“Is there anything you’re not telling me?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” He knows that I’m not good at keeping things to myself but I will have to eventually learn to do so soon, it’s for my own sake.

“I can easily tell if you’re bluffing, Coop. You should have tried harder at least.”

“I don’t have a clue what you’re mumbling about, Shawn. Leave me alone will you?”

“Ah yes, go for the good old denial. I am your best friend but I would leave it be if you care not to make it so obvious. There’s something in your mind.”

I don’t want him to know. He would share pretty much everything to me and I felt like betraying his trust by not telling him the whole truth. He would be one of those wonderful people who would be the last ones to judge you or hate you for being honest. At the moment honesty hurts and I wouldn’t be too keen to expose the troubles and sadness that I self-inflicted by being too caught up with Jer’s kiss which probably didn’t even mean a single thing for him.

“Is it a person or a thing?”

“You wanna play the guessing game huh? We’re nineteen, Shawn. Just in case you forgot.”

 He leaned his back on the side of my bed, propped up nicely as he relaxed next to me. We’re on a quick pause from our PS3 game-off and he decided to be Nancy Drew and the culprits are both my sadness and my stupid loneliness. The weather outside is dim for the last few days, maybe more to come as we move closer towards winter so we thought it would be best to hang out more indoors, either at his place or at mine. We set up a simple enough system to alternate whose house it would be for the next day or night.

Annie is so used to having him around that he is considered her third son. Dad would totally agree with her as well, they love him to bits. He’s a role model for a filial son and a brilliant young man, more matured than most kid his age.

I look up to him always, don’t get me wrong but I need him to lay it off with the interrogations. I don’t need to be with someone to make me happy, the faster I realize that then the better. But like they would always say: easier said than done. I would still have the fucking yearning all up in my ass and it’s not in the good way, it’s so depressing and annoying. I don’t even love myself so why bother to have someone to love back in return right?

“I don’t think that’s considered as an answer. You’re clearly being evasive. You’re being quite offensive too and it’s not your best trait, man.”

I locked my gaze at the medium-sized flat screen installed inside my room. I could see the frozen part of the game staring back at me, ready to be resumed back anytime soon. I lost to him the first round and the second round as well so I’m quite pissed off with myself. Jer’s distracting my mind too much lately and I don’t even know if he’s even thinking of me that way too.