Broken (Brown Eyed Boy book 2)

Not Damaged, Just Good (Carlos POV)

“He's here,” Jessie gasped out shakily. I don't think she realized it, but she was shaking like she was cold.

“Who's here Jess?” I asked, feeling my muscles growing tenser with each second. I didn't know who she was talking about but it must have been someone bad for her to react like this.

“Michael.”

I went stiff at the name, suddenly understanding her reaction. When it came down to it, only one person could ever scare Jessie this much. The one person that had started all the pain and trust issues in her life. And that person was Michael; the bastard who had raped her when she was only twelve. The one that I had imagined finding a million times over so that I could make him pay. I never thought I would get the chance though. “Where is he?” I asked her.

She turned and started to point at the direction she had come from, but dropped her hand when she saw no one was there. She didn't say anything and seemed to just shut down in front of me. Guilt pulled at me inside and I walked around to stand in front of her. “Jessie?”

Jessie blinked and looked up at me, the fear still clearly written on her face. “He was here,” I barely heard her say. “I swear he was here, Carlos.”

“I believe you Jess,” I said, pulling her toward me and hugging her. “I believe you.”

“Take me back to the dorm?” she asked, shaking against me like she was about to collapse.

“Yeah, I'll take you back now baby,” I said. I looked over at Jeremy who watched us with confusion.

“Do you want me and Samara to go?” he asked.

“No, you guys can stay,” I said. “I'll take care of Jessie.” Jeremy nodded and I slowly started walking Jessie out of the party while looking around for someone whose face I didn't know.

*          *          *          *          *         

By the time we got to the dorm, Jessie had at least stopped shaking. But even after we walked into her room, Jessie held on to me. “Jess, you're okay now,” I said, sitting her on her bed as she pulled me to sit down next to her. “Try to relax. Nothings going to happen to you now.”

“He was there, Carlos,” she said, holding on to me tightly. “I swear he was. And he- he...”

“He what?” I asked, feeling the guilt bubble up again and mix in with the anger. The anger at myself for not being there to protect her and the anger at what he could've done if I hadn't gotten there.

“He tried to do it again,” she said, tears starting to roll down her face as she looked at me. “He kept talking about it like it was fun for both of us. And like it was going to be fun again. And I couldn't move away because he was too close but it was my fault-”

“Hey, hey,” I said, wiping the tears from her face. “Listen to me okay, it was not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong and you didn't know he was there, okay? It was not your fault.” She pressed her face into my neck and I hugged her, rubbing her back. “Jessie I'm so sorry. I should've went with you guys, but I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry.”

“You didn't know,” she said, shaking her head.

“Doesn't make me any less sorry,” I said. “I almost let you down tonight and that's not okay with me. I promise you I won't let him get so close to you again, okay? I promise.” I kissed the top of her head and tightened my arms around her.

She squeezed back without looking at me. “You didn't let me down,” she said quietly. “You came when I needed you. Just like you always do. That's what matters to me.”

“I'm still not going to let it happen again,” I promised. “From now on, I'm going to be right next to you. I'm not going to let him hurt you again.”

She nodded and looked up at me. Her eyes had the same pained and tortured look they did that day she first told me what happened. And that's when I knew that she would be reliving it all in her dreams tonight. “Will you stay with me?” she pleaded. “Please?”

“Of course I will,” I said. “As long as you need me.”

*          *          *          *          *         

I didn't know what Jeremy told Samara, but when she came back to the room later she didn't object to me staying there. Jessie eventually fell asleep but woke up a few times. The last time she woke up scared, made me wonder if she was reliving the memory or dreaming up something new. “You're okay,” I whispered, smoothing down her hair. “You're okay.”

“Carlos?” she whispered, both afraid and confused. “You're still here.”

“I told you I would as long as you need me,” I replied.

“You're always so nice to me,” she said. “I don't know why; I'm just damaged goods. I don't deserve you.”

“You do,” I said back. “You are not damaged goods, Jess. You are just good and deserve good and I love you, okay. Please understand that.” She stayed quiet for a minute and I thought she fell asleep.

“I love you too,” she said back before kissing my cheek. “Thank you for being here.”

“Anytime,” I hugged her. “Anytime.” She fell asleep after that and I laid there hoping she would be okay. Hoping she wouldn't fall back into that dark place where she continued to relive that memory. Hoping that she knew I wasn't going anywhere. And hoping I wouldn't be so stupid again to come so close to letting Jessie down. Because that's how I felt; like I was a complete idiot for not going with her. An idiot for forgetting about her bad feeling at the wrong time. For Jessie's sake, I couldn't afford to be an idiot anymore.