A Drop in the Ocean

Promise?

Ashton's POV:

I brushed my finger across cuts that snaked up my arm, some new and some old. Every night since I started, I've cut. It's become an addiction, I want to stop so desperately but I can't.

I'm five months pregnant already and not much has changed. Michael has been really great with taking me to my appointments and everything but I just wish it was Luke who was doing that for me. I feel so alone, everyone is so distant, especially Calum. He still hasn't really spoken to me since he found out.

We go on tour in a couple days, I would be lying if said that I wasn't nervous, being in a cramped tour bus will make it even harder for me to hide my secret from Luke and even the fans when I'm on stage.

I told my family that I was pregnant and they did not take it well. My mom pretty much disowned me. Why do I even care anymore? My family hates me, Calum hates me, I know that everyone else would hate me too if they knew I was carrying a child, a male carrying a child. The only thing I have to live for is my baby.

My thoughts were interrupted knock at the door. I didn't have anything to hide my cuts, I was just wearing sweatpants, no shirt.

I heard Calum's voice from the other side of the door. "Ashton, can I come in?" Before I could answer he comes in closing the door behind him. I quickly cross my arms over my bump trying to hide it along with the my cuts. He walks over to the bed, sitting next to me. I don't make eye contact with him, I just stare at the floor silently.

"Look Ashton, I know the way I reacted was uncalled for and I should have apologized to you sooner but I was still trying to comprehend it. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and I hope you can forgive me. I want to help you, I know this must be harder on you than anyone else." At that I look up and slightly smile. He smiles back at me.

"Calum it's fine, I know it's a lot to take in, you don't have to apologize."

"Yes I do, I shouldn't have left when you told me and I definitely shouldn't have accused you like that when I found the ultrasound picture." There was a long awkward pause. "Do you forgive me?"

"Of course I forgive you." He smiles and wraps his arms around me and I do the same. We stay like that for a while until we let go, I let my arm fall without even thinking about it. His eyes go wide as he stares directly at the cuts on my arm.

"Ashton what is that?" He asks calmly. I covered my wrist quickly. This time he asks again a little louder. "Ashton is that what I think it is?" I don't answer him, I just cover my eyes and begin sobbing. He just now forgave me and now I screwed up again. Calum did something completely unexpected. Instead of yelling at me which I thought he was going to do he hugs me again and let's me cry into his shoulder. I kept mumbling "I'm sorry's", he rubs circles on my bare back.

"Don't apologize, if you promise me that you won't do it again I promise I won't tell anyone. Promise?" He pulls away and looks into my glossy eyes.

"I promise." He smiles reassuringly and takes my wrist in his hand.

"Ashton I don't ever want to see you do this again. If you ever need to talk about something I'm here." And with that he hugs me again and leaves the room. I look down at my wrist and then to my belly. Calum's right, I shouldn't be doing this to myself. I want to be a good father to my baby and I've already screwed up, I'm going to try to stop for my baby.

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Calum's POV:

I couldn't believe it when I saw Ashton's wrist. I know he has had some trouble in the past with cutting but he said he had stopped. I feel so guilty because I know some of it had to do with me, I could have helped him, instead I walked out on him for selfish reasons of my own.

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The Next Morning

Ashton's POV:

I woke up and didn't feel the urge to cut like usual. Talking to Calum really lifted a weight off my shoulders but my problems are far from over. I still haven't decided what I'm going to do after the baby's born, if I keep it I can't stay here. Not with Luke at least. If I put it up for adoption I might regret it later, I will never be able to forgive myself. I'm not ready to be a father let alone a single father, someone else can give my baby what I can't give to it.

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I just want to say thank you to everyone who left me a comment on my last update. It really made my day! Please tell me what you think, if you have any suggestions or ideas for the next chapter(s) feel free to tell me :)