New Beginnings

Month 6

Casey POV

After the fight with River things never really got back to where I wanted them to be. I must have really pissed her off because by he end of the week she was our of the house. At that general moment I wasn't pushed to go run after her so I just let things be and moved on. Now I would have usually regretted it because River honestly made me feel good about things but nothing pained me. I finally got the chance to just hang out with my brothers and some old friends. One afternoon before I was supposed to head back to LA for our first band performance my mom cooked this whole dinner for the band. I knew that my mom had a mixy idea about what band life and road life would be. There wasn't a point when I doubted myself because I knew that this was going to be a time of change.

Mom, "Casey I don't understand you anymore. I thought that wen you came down here you were all devoted to River. What happened?"

Me, "well things just didn't work out. She was trying to so her own thing and then I just got tired of it. Plus I think that she just didn't want to commit to something so big so fast. We don't have the best track record"

Mom, "but you two always come back together. Isn't that a sign that something more special is happening?"

Me, "mom I don't know what's going on . I'm just trying to make my music and enjoy my life. Is that too much to ask?"

Mom, "there's nothin wrong with that. It's his that you need to remember that there are limits to the amount of fin that you can have. I know and trust

River enough to be the person that controls you or at least aids you in times of need"

Me, "I have a sober coach and people coming along just for this cause. I'm going to be fine and we talk every day. Don't worry so much about me"

Mom, " but you have to understand that I'm trying to find some of my own time to figure out what I need. I can't constantly worry about my son and whether he's going to make it through the night. We've just spent so much time trying to make sure that everyone is on the same page and it's hard Casey. I can't keep worrying about you every night or there are going to be days when I go crazy. I have other kids than you my dear"

Me, "mom I know that and I honestly don't need you to worry about me so much. Our of all the rehabs that I've done this is it. I'm not into hanging out with the same people and I just want to do my own thing. Being an addict is hard and it's a daily challenge but I'm stronger than I've ever been. I'm ready to move on from that stage of my life and I would like it if my family came along with me"

Mom, "okay but I don't want to hear anything crazy going on from the tabloids cause that's going to have me on the edge. I honestly think that you should at least call river before you head out. You owe her that courtesy"

Me, "okay but don't expect anything to come from it. She's been all over the pace with me and I honestly think that this was our last go. She's trying to get her sobriety under constant control and I'm doing the same thing. Addicts being with each other isn't the best idea and we just need time to heal. I've done a lot of messed up stuff to her and I don't and can't expect anything from her at this point"

Mom, "well you're making some big steps if you're trying to apologize or at least admit to some of the mistakes of the past. I know that in the previous rehab stints we haven't been so lucky. So I'm going to accept this change"

After I was done speaking with my mom I had to go and call River. I hadn't heard from her in almost a month and I needed to make sure that nothing crazy had happened. The usual rings came and went but then I had some feeling that made me think that there was something deeper going on. So I called her brother Allister and I knew that he wouldn't have anything nice to say.

Me, "hey Allister, have you talked to River lately. I need to speak to her "

Allister, "oh hey Casey. I would ask how you're doing but I honestly don't care"

Me, "look let's just be short and straight to the point. Have you talked to River lately?"

Allister, "well seeing as how she's my sister and how siblings for the most party speak to each other every day I wills have to say that I have spoken to her. Now why does that matter to you?"

Me, "Well can you tell her to call me back. I've been calling he for days and I would like to speak to her before I head back to work"

Allister, "Why do you constantly come and try and control my sister? like she's really trying to make some changes to her life and I don't understand why you're always coming to destroy that"

Me, "im not doing anything to your sister.  I just asked if she woukd call me back.  I don't understand why she left but I need to make amends before leaving"

Allister,  "You two constantly make  the same stupid mistakes over v and over. Why do you two play this back and forth game where no one is ever happy.  Like how does that help anyone"

Me,  "I'm just looking for a simple explanation or something.  I am a pretty straight forward person and I don't like complicated things.  If the blame is on anyone it should be your sister"

Allister,  "the thing is that you know that the combo isn't good.  Why do you continue to come back to the same thing? I know that you two have some type of strange bond but it's clearly not meant  to be right now.  Let her grow and then maybe you two can come back later. "

I couldn't fight with Allister. He had a point in staying  that we probably rushed into  things and i knew that but did it anyway.  It would have  been good to hear River's voice before leaving I couldn't force her to talk to me.