Once Again

Chapter 22

Deborah hasn't messed with me. She is upset over what happened with Jason two weeks ago. She was miserable. We moved on from Mexico to other countries so she let that go. We were in recess. Jason keeps me in company on the swings. Leann and Daisy were playing on the slides. He takes my hand and stops my swing. He turns to me.

"Marcela, you're an amazing friend. You're so pretty. And I wanted to say that I like you." I look at him, bewildered. How could he, an American, like a poor Mexican girl? He must be confused.

"You're sweet Jason, but you cannot like me. I am a Mexican." He shakes his head.

"I don't care. That doesn't matter. I like you how you are." He gives me a hug. I pull away. His face is sad.

"I am sorry Jason." I walk inside the school.

Leann and Daisy run after me after school. I walked out as soon as the bell rang. I didn't want to see Jason.

"Marce!" Leann reaches me, panting trying to catch her breath. Daisy comes behind her.

"Why didn't you wait for us?" She looks mad.

"I didn't want to see Jason." I told her quietly.

"Why? What happened?" I told them what had happened.

"Aw that's cute! Why did you reject him?" I never thought about that. I liked him but at a friend only. They were my best friends but I never told them about Luis. I cannot let go what happened 5 years ago. He had died because I let go of him. Well it's not sure if he died but how could he survive out in the desert with no food, shelter, or water? I just let that get into my mind. He was dead. And it was my fault. They wouldn't understand me if I told them. Luis was my best friend, my first love, my first boyfriend. And I cannot let it go, even if he is dead. I snap out of my haze and turn to answer Leann's question.

"I do not like him like that. He is my friend. I cannot." I tell them that and I hurry up to my house. I walk inside and Chano was already there. He had mopped and sweeped. So it's my turn to clean the bathroom. Mama walks out the bathroom. It was only 3 p.m. and she was home. She usually gets home around 4:30.

"Hello Mama," I say as I give her a kiss on the cheek.

"Hola Marce," she returns the kiss to my forehead. She looks exhausted. She's only 32 and she already has wrinkles and gray hairs. She has been working herself too hard. I wish I could help her but there is nothing I can do. I walk away to stop any tears that may come up. I walk to my room to do homework.

It's about 10 p.m. now. We are all watching TV, me in Mama's arms. She is playing in my hair. We all laugh. Then we hear Papa's footsteps: He's home. I get up, run to my room, open my door, signal Daniel to come. Chano grabs him and brings himself in the room. Mama stays. I look into her eyes. I lock the door. I let him into my arms. Papa comes in with a thud. He's drunk. He has been coming home like this for months now. My brothers and I hide in my room while Mama tries to talk with him. She never gets far. He leaves again or he steps up and hits her. He has hit her twice, leaving her bruises. I open the door a little. He has a beer bottle on his hand. Mama is trying to get him to sit down. He pushes her into the wall. She winces. I step out of my room a little.

"Marce, what are you doing?" Chano grabs my hand. I make him let go. I walk closer to them. Papa raises his arm to Mama. At that moment, I run to cover her. Papa's hand crosses my face, hard. I fall to the ground. Chano runs out of my room. He has tears coming down. He makes Papa back off. Mama picks me up. I feel dizzy. I touch my nose: blood. I look at Papa. He looks sorry. I give him a look trying to make him feel less sorry. He gets on his knees.

"Perdóname mi'ja" he cries in front of us. I do not know what to do. I just let him cry.