Sincerely Zanobia [Book 1]

Chapter 8

Kidd

I had finished checking things on the street and now I was going to visit June bug. For those who'd like to know, exactly how I know him I'll tell you.

I met him a few years back, he was on the streets and I approached him. I usually don't acknowledge homeless people, because most of them don't need for shit. There are some of them that aren't really homeless. Once they get that money they go and laugh, they fooled you and played you for a few dollars.

That alone is why I stopped giving.. but this one particular day something told me to go up to him and I did. He was extremely nice and very clean to be living on the streets. I offered him a place to stay, food, you name it. He turned me down each time I asked if he needed something.

The only thing he wanted was Zanobia.. I had never heard of her before. But I made a promise with him, that I'd find her. I was willing to help him in anyway I could.. I don't know what made me approach him but till this day I'm glad I did.

June bug has changed my life in ways I can't even express. He can make your day a lot better, regardless of his mental state he has a pretty mature mind.. his behavior is just child like.

Being separated from Zanobia really messed him up. He was admitted to a mental hospital which is where I visit him. That place just doesn't sit right with me, those people try to drug him up. I tell them all the time there isn't anything wrong with him.. he has his problems but he's fine.

He acts out because he just wants his daughter.. I wish they could reconnect right now but until they release him from this place she can't see him. He's undergoing so many tests to see just why he acts the way he does. Most days he has seizures and I don't think the caregivers there really care to take his condition seriously.

He has never had seizures until they started trying to medicate him. My goal is to visit him everyday and watch over him until he gets better. The moment he does, I'll take him home with me and let him reunite with his Nobia as he says.

I was visiting my grandmother to get her opinion on the situation, she knows about June bug. She has been so proud that I've been helping him, I've been on the streets a lot less. I walked Into the house and spotted her sitting on the couch, knitting.

"Hey grandma"

"Hey son. What are you doing here?"

I sat down and observed what she was knitting, it looked like a baby hat to match the pink little booties she made.

"You making that for the baby?"

"Yeah, she's sick.. I've been praying for her. Asking the Lord to keep that baby safe, I worry about Zanobia, she doesn't know the half of being a mother and now the poor baby is fighting for her life"

Fighting for her life.. I swallowed hard and rubbed the back of my neck. I haven't been the nicest to her, I never knew things were that bad for her. I have apologize..

"I'm going to see June bug today, he misses her gram.. I don't know what to do"

She stopped knitting and sat her stuff down and patted my shoulder.

"You have to do what you gotta do, now baby I know you don't want to keep the fact that you know where he is from her.. but Zabi has to get better first. That girl has so much on her plate right now. She can't handle  him In the state he's in, especially not with the baby being sick. In due time son.. in due time"

Zabi is June bugs real name, that's where Zanobia gets her name.. he has told me stories about her mother and how she was as a baby. But we'll get to that one day, so many people underestimate him..

_______

Zanobia

More countless hours spent here in the hospital.. Surge slept in the chair besides me. He finally showed up after damn near a week. I can't be upset because he doesn't have to show up. I guess I was so used to his company that I expected him to be here for me.

Because I'm not old enough nor am I Eliza's guardian I can't take her home once they released her. I'm torn, when she gets better it'll be the last time I see her. I'm scared for her, I don't want her going home to home like me. It's not a good experience and it really changes you as a person.

I blame myself for this. Maybe it was something I did wrong, that's why she got sick.. the hospital just had to dig deep and request information I couldn't give. I still come here everyday and they allow me to. I pray that she finds a good home, that someone who can care for her better than I could gets her.

I've been meaning to ask Surge why he's so distant. Things aren't the sane between us.. he rarely talks to me anymore and I'd like to know why. What have I done.. is he sick of me, I put my head down at that thought. I know it has to be that reason. No one ever likes me but I don't get why.

I'm a nice person, I never bother anyone.. I looked over at him and got up, leaving the room. I wanted to cry. The moment I make a friend he starts to push me away. Its bad enough Eliza will no longer be with me. She's all I have.. but I can't take care of her. I can't get her health insurance and the environment back at the group home isn't a good one.

I walked throughout the halls to clear my mind.. I just want to be happy, or do I? I feel like happiness doesn't exist. If it did then why won't anyone tell me where my dad is? I know someone knows.

I sat down outside of the room and pulled my note book out and started writing. Even with things going the way they are I still manage to write.

Dear daddy,

I've been through a lot.. there have been times when I wanted to give up but I think of you. I know you'd never give up, no matter what. Remember the baby I was telling you about? Eliza.. you would have loved her. But sadly you'll never get to see her... the hospital refuses to let me take her once she gets better. Everyone hates me or else they wouldn't put me through the stuff they do. Eliza means the world to me and now I'm forced to let go. Do you remember me telling you about a guy named Zaire in my last letter? Yeah.. I thought he was someone who cared about me. But he's just like the others, I actually liked him. He made me happy even though I don't believe in happiness anymore. He made me believe.. made me feel alive. But now he doesn't talk to me.. is it because I'm ugly.. too young.. not smart enough?  Or maybe he hates me now. But anyway, I miss and love you.

                        Sincerely Zanobia.

"I don't hate you, your not ugly or too young and your the smartest girl I know"

I jumped and quickly closed my book, he seen what I wrote about him. I got up and quickly walked away. I was so embarrassed I stood before the elevator vigorously pressing the down button.

He pulled me away from the elevator and took me down to the empty waiting room. I sat down and kept my attention on the floor..

"Look at me Zanobia.."

I looked up at him and held his gaze.

"I've been avoiding you because..  I love you"

"You love me?"

"Yes" He looked away from me and rubbed his neck with great frustration. I didn't understand why it was such a big deal for him to love me.

"Why are you acting like it's a terrible thing to love me? What if.. I loved you back?"

He looked up, leaned closer and gently kissed me. I felt things, I've never felt in my life... the moment he pulled away he got up and left the room, he left me once again..