Rhythm of a Heartbreak [SLOW UPDATE DUE TO SCHOOL]

Chapter Thirteen: The Unhearable

     Do you ever have that feeling of guilt even when you haven’t done anything guilt-worthy? When you feel that everything is your fault, even when you had nothing to do with it? Well, that’s how I feel. My mother and I have been fighting, and now I feel guilty. I feel guilty because I didn’t have the chance to apologize. Now I’m sitting in her hospital room, watching her unconscious body take in breaths, her chest barely rising.

      Just when I thought things had the chance to get better, it all got worse. Maybe this was an accident, maybe it wasn’t. All I knew was that she might not make it. She’s broken all over, purple and blue. I’m constantly checking the heart monitor, beeping slowly but at a steady pace. She has breathing tubes and IV’s hooked up to her, and is on life support.

      I’m crying now. Watching her blood pressure drop. Her breathing is so shallow I cant see her chest rise anymore. She doesn’t move. She doesn’t speak. She can’t even feel me gripping tightly on her pale, cold hand. I want to tell her I love her, but I can’t. The words are stuck in my throat. A feeling of sickness lay at the pit of my stomach. The room is spinning, and the only thing in my mind that is replaying is the past.

Flashback

      “Mum! Mummy! Come here!” I called from the back door. “Come see what I found!” My tiny hands motioned over to the flowerbed. As soon as I spotted my mother in the doorway I gripped onto her blouse and pulled her towards the garden. “C’mon mum hurry!”

       “I’m coming honey, what is it?” My mom giggled. I stopped her right in front of the plants and pointed.

      “Look mum, look!” I was gawking at the little tiny kitten playing with a dandy-lion. It’s tiny ears perked up at my voice. Ignoring it, the kitten pawed at the weed. It’s brown and grey fur covered in dirt.

      “Can we keep him?” I begged, “please please please?”

     “I don’t know Lorelei…” My mother protested.

      “Please my birthday is next month! I’ll be eight! It will be my birthday present!” I offered. My mother still didn’t give in. She crossed her arms and raised her eyebrows. “Birthday present for two years?” I begged even more, pulling on the hem of her sleeve.

      “You aren’t going to give up are you?” She asked, smiling.

      “Nope!” I sneaked up the kitten, picking it up. It instantly dug its head into the crick of my neck. “Please! Look at him, he’s so cute.” I pulled the best puppy dogface I could make.

      “Fine…” My mother sighed.

      “Yes! Oh thank you thank you thank you!” I screeched.

     “But!” She raised a finger at me, “He is your responsibility. Understand?” I nodded quickly headed towards the house, my mother shaking her head at me.

      “I’m going to name you cuddles.” I spoke, kissing the tiny figure on the head.

Present

      I smiled at the memory. I wish I could beg now, beg for her back. But there’s no one to beg too. I pressed my fingers on the bridge of my nose, and squinted my eyes. Trying to stop the tears from flowing over. Every word that I threw at her came rushing through my mind. Words I wish I could take back.

Flashback

      “Lorelei where have you been. It’s two a.m.” My mother stood in the kitchen doorway, tapping her foot. I had snuck off to a party I wasn’t even invited to. And what’s even worse, I was throwing back shots like they were going out of style. I was a tad drunk.