Here's To The Hopeless

17: I Guess I Just Wanted To Talk

I couldn't help thinking about how slowly things are changing for me. I was being pushed away by the guy I had always loved, my best friend even seemed uninterested in me like her brother. My mother was staying at who I presume was Mark's place every night, although there's not much new there. The strangest part of all these damn changes? The only person I could be with to get away from everything toxic just so happened to be an asshole who's hated me since he first laid eyes on me. But let's be honest, Sebastian probably would still run me over with a bus if someone offered him a pack of cigarettes.

Did I mention I was too stubborn to go out of my way to talk to him? So there I lay alone on the bed in Izzy's bedroom, the water from the shower being the only thing I could hear. It had been the first thing I'd heard all morning — Izzy was off and I wanted to know why.

My mind was occupied by the possible reasons for her being off. Guy troubles or family troubles were out of the picture, along with pretty much everything else. Izzy told me everything.

My thoughts were lost, at least until the front door swung open. A chatter among two people loud as ever filling the once peaceful air. I stayed where I was on the bed as I recognised the voices, rolling my eyes as I listened to Jack and Sebastian goofing around.

I heard the stomping of the stairs and soon enough the bedroom door swung open, forcing me to immediately look up and see who it is.

"Hey. Sorry, I thought Izzy was here." Jack's face popped into my vision and I looked up at him nervously.

"Actually — Jack? Can we talk?"

"Sebs waiting on me," he did his best to avoid eye contact with me, clearly not wanting to talk to me of all people.

"Yeah well, he can wait a little longer." My voice was calm and he raised his eyebrows.

"What do you want to talk about, Aubrey." He sat down on the end of the bed after sighing. I observed him, noticing how stiff and uncomfortable he looked.

"I-I don't really know what I wanted to talk about." I bit my lip out of nervousness. "I guess I just want to talk, I mean." I took a deep breath. "I haven't got to talk to you in a while." How many times do I have to say talk?

Jack looked into my eyes and I immediately broke the contact. "I've been busy."

I just nodded, clearly knowing that he was busy with Sherrie. I played with my own fingers nervously as I looked down at them.

"Do you like her?" I was nervous for the answer, and I didn't know why, I mean after all, if he didn't like her he wouldn't be spending every last spare moment he had with her.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Aubrey," was his response, and it made me wince, knowing this wasn't going to be a 'rip the bandage off' situation. This conversation already wasn't going how I imagined it to be.

"That wasn't what I asked," I did my best to keep my voice even and it seemed to work successfully, not giving away my nervousness.

He just nodded as an answer and I bit down hard on my lip to stop myself from saying anything dumb. "She makes me happy."

I just nod back in understanding before glancing up at him. He offered me a small smile filled with guilt as he got up off the bed, heading back out of Iz's room.

School came around the next day and I had managed to stay tearless since the conversation with Jack. It wasn't like he told me he never wanted to see me again or anything like that, in reality, he was just confirming what I already knew. It's not the nicest thing to hear out loud though.

I walked through the school halls to get outside and down to the gymnasium, knowing Izzy would be there practicing with her squad, I still hadn't told her about the Jack thing and determination rushed through me to tell her before he did. Although Iz was acting strange and untalkative to me, it was still something she'd rather know from me than for Jack to bring up in a petty argument.

The loud noise of girls chattering over upbeat music filled my ears right before I entered the gym, the heavy doors slamming behind me as I waltzed inside of it, demanding unwanted attention.

I smiled sheepily and looked around, my eyes resting on a sight I had never seen, nor thought I would ever see. Izzy and Sherrie were seated close together. Although it was impossible to hear them over the loud chattering of the ear screeching cheerleaders, they seemed to be laughing together.

Izzy caught my eye and beckoned me over to where she was sitting, which I do, not knowing what I was preparing myself for. Standing a meter away from them, I tilted my head to the side. "I was just coming to tell you that I've got to go home." It was clearly a cover-up, but my words were smooth, the actual idea of the situation was the only suspicious trace of my lie.

If I wanted to tell her that I would have just messaged her.

"Oh, why?" Izzy stood up and gave me a hug, which I gave back to her, hoping I didn't look as awkward as I felt.

"I feel sick." I lied, making it all up on the spot, knowing she'd probably know I was doing so but I just wanted to hurry up and leave the uncomfortable situation and go home.

She leaned her head close to my ear and hugged me longer.

"She's the only option we had left, Aubs." She referred to Sherrie, clearly knowing what I was so awkward about.

"You don't need to explain yourself Iz. I don't care." As I pulled away from the far too long hug, she looked towards Sherrie, then back to me nervously, and opened her mouth about to say something, before getting stopped in her tracks and called over by the coach.

"I'll talk to you later." She ran off and I turned around, walking to the same doors I came in through and opened them, the smile vanishing off my face.

I was like a kid that was too slow for a race and had been forgotten about. Everyone was so far ahead of me, too busy with their lives, and they weren't looking back to see me still stood in place.