Bear Heart (Book 2)

Chapter 16

16. Aftermath

CLAIR JORDAN

When I had gotten down from the roof, I couldn’t look anyone in the eye. I couldn’t speak without stuttering. I had to hide my face from everyone because it was so red. How could I not have realized sooner? How did I hide this from myself? Why did I even feel this way?

It was difficult when Kenai had come to talk to me. He had told me that he had to go to the bathroom, but even I knew that it was a bullshit excuse. I knew it wasn’t true. At that point, embarrassment had overtaken me. He had rejected me. He didn’t want to be with me, not like that. I felt so relieved when Ben had called me so we could go home. I couldn’t handle being near him for very long in the state that I was in. I guess you could call it a form of shock.

When I apologized for getting so close, I made the lie that there was sauce on him. There was no sauce, yet he didn’t question it. When he smiled at me, I faked a smile back. I couldn’t handle a genuine smile. I was just so overtaken by my emotions. When he hugged me, I felt my heart clench in my chest. I felt suffocated. I felt sad. At least he didn’t hate me for what I did. Well, for what I almost did. Or maybe he was just clueless.

When I had gotten home, I had collapsed into bed, just thinking about it all. How had I come to like Kenai? I mean, of course he was nice to me. He had a good sense of humor, and he also had a handsome face, but I always just thought that I was drawn by the fact that my bear was in there. I always wanted to be near him, I was always jealous whenever anyone was with him when I wasn’t able to. I just thought I was being overprotective of him. I always told myself that it was natural, because, in a sense, this was a new world to him. I always felt that I wanted to protect him, and I still do, especially knowing my feelings for him now, but I never would have guessed that my persuasion was love. Love? I don’t think that’s the word for it.

Now, as I lay in bed, I began to wonder how things could possibly work out. I was still wondering whether I should bring Kenai’s memories back. He said so himself that he leaves it up to me. I still can’t believe that he just went along with the question. Did he simply choose to ignore what he couldn’t understand or wasn’t to his convenience? He was like that when he was a bear, especially concerning him admitting that he was my guardian. He would constantly deny that he was my guardian because he didn’t think anything like that was possible. Maybe with me he didn’t understand why I asked what I did or maybe that kiss wasn’t convenient for him.

What would he think of me if I told him how I felt? Would he choose to ignore my feelings if he didn’t feel the same way? Would bringing back his memories affect how he feels about me?

Then, the phone downstairs began to ring. I got up and walked downstairs, since Ben had apparently gone to bed. When I answered the phone, a gruff, unfamiliar voice was on the other end.

“Hello, may I speak to either Benjamin or Clairina Jordan?”

“This is Clarina. May I ask who’s speaking?”

“This is Officer Mark Petty, I’m with the New York Police Department. I’ve been put in charge of your mother’s case, and I’ve called to notify you that we have just taken a man by the name of Andrew Sully into custody. We believe that he could be the one who killed your mother, and since you aren’t able to come down to identify him, I want to ask for your email address so that we can send you a few pictures.”

“Yes, of course.”

My heart pounded in my chest as I gave them my email address. Could they really have found him? Could this really be it?

“Alright, thank you, Ms. Jordan. We’ll be sending the photos shortly. We’ll be happy to hold while you check the photos. We apologize for calling so early in the morning, however we’d like to get an identification on him as soon as possible so that we can put him on trial soon. Of course, if it does turn out to be the killer, he won’t be put on trial immediately, so we might have to wait a bit.”